Happy New Years!

Happy New Year to everyone! Please stay safe.

My goal for today was to get to 189. anything... I stepped on the scale this morning at HM and I saw that magic number 189.2! I reached a goal and it feels great!

I started 30 day shred yesterday and I am feeling it in my back, but it wasn't as hard as it was last time I tried. I will complete it in January, and will try some others along the way.

I think I will get my measurements taken on Monday. I hope to see a good tone up from the shred. Hoping for less jiggles when I walk LOL!

Here are my stats now:

Starting weight: 223.8

Small goal: 185

Final goal: 140

Current weight: 189.2

Weight lost: 34.6 lbs

Inches lost: 35 1/4

On the leader board

At HM, they have a board that they put the top losses for the week up on... I totally made it this week with 5 lbs lost! The lady that came in second place had a loss of 3.8. I am really excited. I never thought I would make it up there.

I joined a group on MFP aimed at supporting each other through the 30 day shred and I fully intend on doing the whole thing... as soon as I find my DVD. Where the heck is it??? I had tried it previously, but didn't make it very far because life got in the way. But it will be easy to do when Caiden is napping or sleeping or whatever, when I cannot make it to the gym. I am going to do it every day for the full 30 days, take no prisoners! It is a short workout anyways, so I am not worried.

I am so close to my small goal and my pre- pregnancy weight. I can taste the success.

Been an AWESOME week!!

I am up on cloud nine with my weight loss, and I get more excited every single day!

So on Dec. 22nd, I went with my best friend and Maid of Honour, my Mom and Scott's Mom to go wedding dress shopping. I had set up the appointment for then, because Scott's parents are leaving to go south for the winter, and I wanted his mom to see the previous dress I fell in love with. I left that one for last in the entire room full of dresses that they pulled for me.

I tried on a bunch of dresses, and they were all the same silhouette (fit & flare with lots of bling, which is what I thought I wanted). In the middle of the dress trying on, I asked the lady if I could try on a ball gown. I love them, but never thought they would be A. comfortable, and B. practical... So I tried on this dress and it is absolutely amazing! blew every other one out of the water. I want to pick it up now and wear it every day of my life! HAHA! A ball gown... with no bling? Who knew!

I weighed in right before my dress shopping experience at HM (because it was right by Ladybelle Bridal) and she did my measurements... which were previously done 10 days before that. 5 3/4 inches off in 10 days! WHAT?? I have been swimming and doing deep water jogging with the styrofoam dumbells they use for aquafit classes, and my back and arms and shoulders are turning into something you would see at a body builders show LOL... well not to that extent, but the tone and definition is amazing.

I went back on the 23rd, hoping to hit my 30 lbs lost point and get my new magnet, and I was at 28.8... GRRRR!, so she did some quick figuring and told me that I needed to drink at least 13 eight oz glasses of water and come back on the 24th. My goal was to hit 30 lbs lost by Christmas, so I drank 16 glasses, and I went back in the morning of the 24th.

I hoped to see 193.6 on the scale, and I stepped on that thing... my palms sweating, my stomach turning... feeling so anxious. I SAW 192.4!!! I jumped up and down, tears in my eyes, and I was so happy! I got hugs from all the girls working and they gave me a treat out of the success chest (I got some fancy thank you cards that I can use for something). and I got my NEW MAGNET!!! I love these!

Identify what you want, and go for it! That is exactly what I did!

On to my 40 lb magnet. I am well on my way. I had a loss on Christmas morning, and I was the same this morning. So I beat Christmas too!! With all the yummy baking my mom did, and I pigged out so much last year, she made me a whole extra tray last year. It feels good to say I had the willpower to stay away.

So here are my stats and I am so excited to share them:

Starting weight: 223.8

Small goal: 185

Final goal: 140

Current weight: 191.8

Weight lost: 31.8 lbs

Inches lost: 35 1/4

OMG I am almost in the 180's!! AHHHHH! I am proud of myself!

I really hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!

A New Workout!

Been an ok week. I finished 95% of my craft projects for Christmas, so I am less stressed. I m on the losing track again, and I am so excited about it.

Continuing with my gym and swims, and have discovered a new workout, and HOLY INTENSE! I always went to the pool and watched the aquafit classes from afar, and thought how could those possibly work? But yesterday after our time in the gym, Bestie and I went in the pool and were deep water jogging with those Styrofoam dumbells they have for the classes. All I can say is holy my back and arms are feeling it today. Amazing workout!

I am 9 lbs away from my New Years goal, and I am going to shoot for it, but not be disappointed if I don't make it. 9 lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight. That is exciting!

I get to go look at some more wedding dresses on the 22nd, and I can't wait. Last time I went I was only at about 12 inches lost. Now I am over 30! I don't want to find the dress quite yet, because I love to go looking. I have found two top contenders.

So here are my new stats!


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 194.2
Weight lost: 29.6 lbs
Inches lost: 29 1/2

...

I don't have a title for this.... STRESSED maybe a good one! HAHA. I am working my butt off trying to get all my Christmas gifts done in time, because I wanted to make them all this year to 1. avoid having to go shopping at the malls, because lets face it, people are insane this time of year! and 2. Because I want to show my family how much they mean to me. I have developed a nasty callus on my finger from crocheting... yuck! I can't wait to take a break.

So my diet is always in the foreground in my mind, but I am having a hard time not ignoring it completely because I just have so much to do lately. On top of the gifts, I also have multiple photo shoots worth of pictures to edit and get out. AHHHH!

So I have also been working out a lot, I did double steps a few days ago, which worked out to 2000 steps. My calves were killing me for days afterwards. I couldn't push it at the gym because of it, but swimming in the pool really helped it.

I went to the gym yesterday and had a huge burn, and ate a lot of my exercise calories back, despite not having the portions left in my diet. I really needed it yesterday. I felt good though. Bestie couldn't join me in the pool, soo I was left treading water by myself for a full hour without a break, and NO MUSIC :( it went by really slowly, but I discovered deep water jogging, and it was an awesome workout. Next time I think I am going to try using the dumbbell things they have for the classes. The lifeguard told me it would add a little something for a challenge.

I haven't really moved weight wise in the last little bit, except for inches lost. Been kind of hovering around the 28 lbs lost mark. I am anxious to get to the 30 lbs point and get my next magnet. then my next small goal with be to get to 185lbs and then to 42 lbs lost (which will be my halfway point).

I joined a bunch of challenges on MFP, and I hope they will keep me motivated. I just can't wait until Christmas is over, so I can focus on something other than yarn and crafting!

A HM surprise

When I went to HM on Wednesday, I weighed in slightly up... 200.4. Blah over 200 again, I starting thinking I was going to be stuck there forever. But, I know that my wonderful time of the month was coming, and I always retain so much water. So I upped my water intake, I have been trying to get no less than 20 8oz glasses a day. I also drink 2-3 cups of green tea a day, since finding a flavor I actually like.

So I go for my weigh in yesterday (after having a really crappy morning involving a flat tire GRRR!), 197.0... WHA WHA WHAT??? How in the hell did I lose 3.4 in from Wednesday to Friday? I want to find the magic formula, so I can continue with this LOL.

I took a walk after my weigh in on Wednesday, but took 2 rest days because I have been doing my stairs a lot. I really needed it. So no exercise, and I had a piece of chocolate cake at my mothers on Wednesday.

My stats of today:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 196.2
Weight lost: 27.6 lbs
Inches lost: 29 1/2

Getting really close to that 30 LB magnet. 27lbs down, 57 left!

I have got some guns!

I am totally gaining muscle, which is so awesome. I have guns, and my bicep inches went up. My stomach is getting more solid (which is nice because it is starting to jiggle less like a bowl full of jello), and my thighs and legs are getting smaller. So the number on the scale isn't going down as fast, but that is ok. I made it down to 197 the other day, and for some reason went back up to 200.4 and now back down to 197. I still cannot believe I am below 200. I am so close to being under 200 after my day is complete. I am so excited to step on the scale and see that number drop, after not really moving for so long... it really feels great.

The stamina I have also is amazing, I really can't believe I didn't do this before. I guess everyone has to reach that point where they cannot let their body go anymore. I reached it, and I am committed to this life change. I don't even really find the gym hard anymore, and I am starting to bump it up and work harder. 20 minutes instead of 15 on the treadmill, trying to beat my time on the stair climber for 1000 stairs. Also I started doing these butt leg lift things (not sure what you call them, maybe Caity can help me out here haha) and some other similar exercises. My muscles are sure feeling it. I also tried the leg raises, and completed 20 of them. Summer in 2010 I was unable to do more than 3 or 4. I could have done more than 20, I think. I am impressed.

On the way down, again...

I have been stuck for so long that I kind of forgot how it felt to step on the scale and see the number go down. It felt great this morning, I hope it continues. I had to take a few rest days because the tops of my legs are killing me for doing so many stairs, but my butt will look good later, right?

Scotts aunt gave me a really nice coat that is a tad too snug for me, I have worn it out once and I am so close to fitting in it. It is my goal to fit in it in the next month or so. I think I can, I think I can. Scott says it looks so good on me already.

I hope to go to the gym tomorrow, and get some swimming in. I really love it so much, no wonder Caiden is/was such a water baby.

The Christmas season has officially begun, Scotts dad started putting up his massive Christmas light display and fruitcake was dessert last night. Don't tell HM, I totally had some! a little sliver, but it was sooooo good. My favorite. My mom usually does a ton of baking for Christmas evening, I am going to die to try staying away from it. It may be harder than Thanksgiving, but again... I think I can I think I can. I can beat it!

Here are my new stats:

Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 198
Weight lost: 26.8 lbs
Inches lost: 29 1/2

Tea

I was told I can drink as much tea as I want (although it doesn't count towards my water intake), so I have been drinking gads of tea.

When my husband died, the wife of the man that also died in the same crash brought me some tea to make me feel better. I was called creme caramel tea. I didn't even open the box for the longest time, and then I opened it and became addicted to it. I finished that box and got another couple since then, but I am getting low on the current box, and I CANNOT FIND IT ANYWHERE!!!! WAHHH! So I have been looking for an equivalent. I found the most heavenly tea and I am addicted to it! It is chocolate hazelnut tea. oh my goodness, so good.

I have also been drinking tons of green tea (which I didn't really like). It is supposed to boost the metabolism, and two of my supplements have green tea extract in them. I found a kind I actually liked, which is mango passionfruit acai. It is awesome, and isn't bitter like I find most green teas.

If anyone has any other kinds of tea that they like, I am all ears.

Who says I can't multitask?

As I feel I am unable to vent in my blog anymore about being stuck in my weight loss, I will be positive from here on out.

Anyhoo, I have been trying to do my stairs 76 times every second day, which is an amazing workout (although the tops of my legs are in constant pain... I hope that goes away). I have also been stressed out about committing to too many xmas crochet/knitting projects and getting them done in time. Well I nipped 2 things in the bud yesterday!! HAHA I did my steps in about an hour (walking/jogging), while I was crocheting. It was easier than I thought it would be!

I weighed myself this morning and I was back under 200, after a week of ups and downs. Going from a tiny amount of food to the amount of food I was eating before, has seemed to do the trick... I think. I am not starving, but I am ok.

To address a comment on my last post, on days that I do a big workout, I eat extra ( just don't log it) I eat at least 1 more protein portion and more veggies. Everyone plateaus, and here is my first bad plateau.

On another topic: I am so scared of losing my engagement ring! If my fingers are cold they are so small, and the ring is loose (but not currently loose enough to fall off, I think). I want to get it sized, but I don't want to have to do it too many times. I was thinking of getting it sized in Jan/Feb, but I wonder if I should wait.

I joined a few groups on My Fitness Pal that have some wonderful ladies in them that keep me going, we have weigh ins with a final goal to be lighter by New Years. After this plateau, I won't hit 185 by then, I don't think, but I will try. I don't really care anymore. Whenever the weight comes off, it will come off.

Well that is it. I will probably post less now, keep it all to myself.

My workouts

Since being on this plateau for so long, hovering around 200 for more than 2 weeks, I have decided to add something new to my workout. Before I was going to the gym with my bestie and doing the water tread afterwards, which I will continue (when scheduling allows me to have someone to watch Caiden). I have added the Ripped in 30 workout by Jillian Michaels. She is a bitch and I hate her, but it is a great workout.

I will also being adding stair climbing every second day. My house has 13 stairs, so I have been jogging up and down them 76 times; which works out to 1000 up and 1000 down.

They had cut down my food quite a bit and I was barely getting 1000 calories... I was worried I was starving myself, so I brought it up with E on Monday, and she raised my food levels up to what they were previously. She said as long as I am losing at these levels, she will leave me there. Phew! I tried to work out on that little amount of food, and I was dizzy and shaky afterwards.

I am doing everything I can to get this weight off me, and for some reason my body is holding onto it for dear life. I am getting annoyed! I know it will come off eventually, but I am eager to be thin!

I did it!!!

Ok I am beyond excited that I stepped on the scale this morning and I saw the 1... OMG 199.6! What an accomplishment, well I see it as one anyways. I am on my way and my mini goal of 185 by Christmas (Or New Years at the very least) seems so attainable! Probably more like New Years, but going against the norm; I will not stress if it doesn't happen. It will happen eventually. I just need to keep my head in the game, and keep doing what I am doing.

It has been a week...

I was hoping that I would be able to report a big 199... But I am so close. It feels as if my body is mocking me in some way.

Let's go back a little bit... I had been sitting at 202 for almost a week, I gained 3 lbs Wednesday and then lost it the next day. Go me! It wouldn't have had to be that way if my body would just stop being stubborn.

They cut my food, so now I can barely reach 1000 calories a day, let alone the reccomended 1200 I should have as a minimum.

I made it to 201.2 on Wednesday and then it was Scott's birthday, so I took him to Montana's for all you can eat ribs... His favorite. I ate a tad more than my allotted food, ok that's fine, I saved some food portions so I wouldn't have to worry too much. The next morning I weighed myself and was up to 202.6. Here we go again.

We set a mini goal for today to be 199 point anything at HM. I would have been ecstatic at 199.9, but no. It was good enough that the Montana's dinner that I enjoyed was worked off.

I have been getting messages from random people I have added to My Fitness Pal saying how inspired they are to see my hard work and determination... Seriously? I inspire people? But how can that be? I am just me, full of the drive and determination to be a healthy beautiful weight that I do wish more people would adopt themselves. I can only continue what I am doing, and hope that people see it really isn't too hard once you get going.

I used to think working out in the gym for over an hour and trending water for an hour was stupid, a waste of time, and too hard... Yet I did these things today with my partner in crime.

So here are my new stats:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 200.2
Weight lost: 23.6 lbs
Inches lost: 29 1/2

Yo yo

The thing I have always struggled with is the yo yo... My weight goes up, then I decide to nip it in the bud, and it goes down... Then I get lazy so it goes back up. So since I am not giving up this time (although I have said I much prefer being a fatty to giving up Pepsi and chocolate), I didn't expect to see the little yo yos of my weight. I know I should have expected to go up as well... Because no one can have loss every day right?

So I was 202.6 on Monday... I went in on Wednesday for my weigh in, and was 204. Wtf??? Since I was on a cleanse week, and my oh so dreaded time of the month, I was told that I shouldn't expect a big loss that week... But a gain? Uh oh here comes the being upset and angry at my body thing again. But it is ok. I cried, but I said hey.... Your body is being stupid and holding on to this weight and it will come off.... Well bestie said the last part lol. So I made the trek back to HM on Thursday, (which I have to point out is a 40 minute drive both ways, so omg the gas I am burning :( ) stepped on the scale, and look at that. 202.4lbs. Ok I will take it!

Except I don't see it as a victory (my silly brain), I see it as an annoying setback. Ugh! I just want to be under 200 so bad!!! I went to the gym and swim with bestie, and pushed myself harder than I have ever. 1000 steps in just over 6 minutes on the stair climber thingy, and I was doing an incline of 15 (highest setting) on the treadmill. Then we went in the pool and tredded water for 1 hour. I could have gone longer for certain, but time ran out.

So I see this week as kind of a waste, as I moved .2 of a pound. Yes a loss is a loss, but come on lol. So I have this long weekend to try to get a 1 in front of the number for my weigh in on Monday. I can do it! And I will cry and scream and sing!


11/11/11 take a second to remember today. Lest we forget.

The Elusive Magnet

I did it! I reached 20 lbs lost! and I have a magnet to prove it.

I had reached 21 lbs lost a couple times, on my home scale (Which has always been a bit wonky). But at HM, I was stuck for a few days. Is it possible to have a freaking plateau every 5 or so lbs? If my body does this for the rest of my journey, I am going to be pissed lol.

So on "My Fitness Pal" they call it "ONE"derland... that fabulous day when you step on the scale and you finally see that elusive 1 in front. It is right around the corner and will be a huge milestone for me. I have not seen said 1 for 4ish years. Yes, I am ashamed to say, that I have been a 200+ pound blob for so long, I do not remember what it is like to be under 200. When this day comes... and I hope it is within the next 3 days... I will scream, jump up and down, and shed a few tears. I will never be over 200 again. I swear this to myself. I will not slip, and I will not let myself down again. I refuse!

I am still trying to get over this cold, which has held its grip on my body for ... ummm.... I think a week, but it feels like longer. I blame Scotts dad... he has given it to everyone (and using my body as a vessel for said cold virus) has passed it to even my brother and my bestie. Sorry Caity! But I had a good swim yesterday I tred water for 26 minutes (until I saw Caiden screaming for me because he fell and hit his head on the pool deck... yes he is ok). And then today worked out in the gym for... I don't even know how long, and then Caity and I did another water tred for 50 minutes. Burned over 1400 calories today. Great day, and I feel as if the cold has finally loosened its death grip. :D

So my new stats!!!


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 202.8
Weight lost: 21 lbs
Inches lost: 26 3/4

Now onto the quest for my 30 lbs lost magnet! I cannot wait to line them up on the fridge and take a picture of all of them.

only...

.4 lb down yesterday. Still a loss, but why didn't it go down more? grrrr. My friend from Kelowna who is also doing HM, texted me and asked me if they cut my food yet. This scared me, I already don't eat very much, and if I get my food portions cut even more... well, I won't be able to give er heck at the gym and swim. (Caity you shush at the give er heck, lol I am not old!)

I voiced my concerns to the lady at hm yesterday, and she just kept saying stop working out so much. It will defeat the purpose of this program. WTF????!!!!!!!?!?!?!?! This goes against everything I know. They literally just want me to walk! I believe so I will be in the weight loss phase for longer and I am spending more money there. I am so annoyed with this.

I am losing, steadily and I believe I will reach my goal of 185 by Christmas. I am so incredibly sick right now though, so no working out really for me today.

I feel really bloated and ucky today, so it is a good thing it is not a weigh in day for me, or else I might cry :(

Almost there

Every morning when I wake up, I roll over on my back and rub my hand from just under my ribs to just under my belly button. The change in this area of my body has been tremendous. You know when you are laying down and your belly is so flat and awesome because gravity pulls all the fat away and it goes on the sides? Well now when I lay down, my belly is flat and awesome and very little of my fat is down on my sides. It is an amazing feeling, and I cannot believe I didn't do this sooner.

I spent an hour or so at the gym today and just gave 'er. I still am so amazed at my ability to do the exercise without losing my breath, but still sweating my fat ass off while I am doing it. No swim today, as we had to carve our Halloween pumpkins. But that is ok. I made it up with a second workout when I got home. 70 minutes of pure sweaty awesomeness!

HM was a big surprise for me today, because again I didn't feel like I was lighter, and I thought the scale would be the same as it was on Monday. Well I am happy to say that it wasn't! I was also measured today and I am amazed at those numbers too!

So my stats are:



Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 204.6
Weight lost: 19.2 lbs
Inches lost: 24 1/4!!!!!

I have lost 2 feet of fat off my body EWWWW lol!

I will get my 20 pound lost magnet this week, and I am so excited to see how that will motivate me.

My new goal: 185 by Christmas. I am projected to be at 189 ish by then (according to HM) so I think it is doable. I WILL NOT beat myself up if I don't make it... but the drive is there. 185 is where I was before I got pregnant with Caiden. I CAN DO IT!!

Props to my bestie too... She is down 33lbs! I am so proud of her!

One of those days...

Where everything is driving me nuts!! AHHHH I just want to scream. Caiden will not listen to me, so it made for my walk today to be absolutely useless... I long for the days when he used to sit in the stroller, and just lay there content to look around at the world. :(

HM day, and I was down only .6... I am still technically behind where I am projected to be, but that is ok, I will make it up. I want to go nuts in the gym and swim the next couple of days, but I think I am coming down with something :( Stupid head cold.

It is beginning to look like 199 by Halloween is not a possibility for me, but I am still going to try. A few days later isn't going to matter I guess... But I am still a tad disappointed. But I am not going to beat myself up about it.... (wait, did I just say that?) so unlike me, I know... but I don't want to get into the funk I just got out of recently. It was too difficult to get my mojo back.

Progress...

Well at the request of Katy and Ayla, I will post my progress pictures, but from the first 10 lbs, I don't really see a difference.

So this was the first day:

 9 lbs down

12 lbs gone

16.8 lbs gone.

Nothing really new to report. I had a few insane workout days this weekend. Ie: Saturday, where I worked out in the gym doing cardio for 1 hour and then made my way to the pool where I completed 60 laps and 30 minutes of tredding water. Pretty proud of that one. I think I have been pushing myself a tad too hard though, my muscles are so screaming for a break right now... I think I will do a few rest days now (mild workouts only). 

Went for a gym and swim today with my bestie and my brother, and spent an hour doing cardio and not too long swimming. Kinda ran out of time. Next time I go, I will try for 40 minutes tredding water. It seems so easy to me now, although it is a weird feeling. I have always struggled with my endurance. It is amazing how quickly it increases when you work your ass off at it.

I came home and did the biggest loser work out, and I am considering doing the 1000 calorie workout when I finish this... crazy? Probably. But I am so determined to get to 199 by Halloween. I dunno if I can stop.

Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 206.2
Weight lost: 17.8 lbs
Inches lost: 18.25

A funny thing happened to me today...

I woke up this morning just down on myself, upset with my body and the way it has betrayed me. I was bawling right up until packing up Caiden to go have a sleep over at Bama's (my moms). Scott told me I am beautiful no matter what happens with my body, and he and Caiden love me to the stars and back, and that is all that matters.

Yes it matters that they love me... but it also matters that I love myself. Which I didn't this morning. So I got Caiden ready to go, and got in the car and headed to my moms. I dropped off Caiden and then headed to the gym. This is when the funny thing happened, and I believe I got my mojo back. All the inspiration in the world came from a song...

Called "Believe"
One minute's fading
One minute's past
But I've got this moment
To make it all last
I'm standing before you
Taking my chance on
Everything I never thought that I could be
Cause you can do almost anything

If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams
The higher you climb
The better it gets
Cause you will see things
You'll never forget
If you just believe


It's like I'm falling through my own fears
They used to haunt me, but now they're not here
There's no looking back, my future is clear
No giving up
And I'm holding on when it gets rough
Cause you can get through most anything

If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams
The higher you climb
The better it gets
Cause you will see things
You'll never forget
If you just believe

No one says it's easy
And no one says you have to be perfect
But as long as you try
You're always gonna find
It was worth it



If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams
The higher you climb
The better it gets
Cause you will see things
You'll never forget
If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams
If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams


(This part especially)




I just kept playing it as loud as I could in the car over and over, and I could feel myself getting pumped up again. So bring it on, I am ready for it, and over the hurdle of the last week.


I finally got to HM and I saw Scott... why is Scott here? He left for work an hour ago. He had a surprise for me. A dozen red roses for me... just because he thought I needed a little pick me up. It worked, and I can't believe how lucky I am to have him in my life.


I was stuck at 208.6 for a week... and today I weighed in... and was DOWN! BOOYAH!


So here are my stats now:



Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 207.2
Weight lost: 16.8 lbs
Inches lost: 18.25

I just got back from the aquatic center, where I did a gym and swim. I did 50 laps of the pool with 10 laps of just using my arms, and 10 of just using my legs, and I had to tred water while they were changing the pools for 28 minutes... without even losing my breath. I could never have done that 2 months ago. I love the change that is going on in my body.

So I may lose my mojo again.... but for now it is here and I will do my best to keep it happy so it doesn't leave me again. I can do it.

Until next time

Losing the mindset

At what point do you lose the mindset that hmmm, maybe I should keep these clothes, because I might be fat again later.

I have all these clothes that don't fit me anymore, and I am hesitant to part with them. Am I setting myself up for failure? Doing my usual end of the summer/beginning of fall business of packing away my shorts and various other summer clothes, got me thinking.... should I pack them away for next year in the hopes that I will not need them, or should I get rid of them entirely, because I know I WILL NOT NEED THEM?

I seem to have misplaced my confidence in myself that I will succeed. I don't know where it went, and I don't know how to find it again. I haven't been able to do my big workouts at home, because I haven't had the time. I have so much on my plate with Christmas coming up fast, that I just can't get everything done, look after Caiden, keep up the house work, and work out. How the eff do people who go to the gym 5 days a week do it? It is almost an all day thing for me.

Bestie and I are going to do a gym and swim on Wednesday, but not before we go to the bridal store and try on Wedding dresses. When I called to make the appointment, the lady asked me how much weight I am trying to lose, and what size I am now. When I told her, she gushed at "how tiny you are!". Me tiny? I have never been described that before, but hey, I'll take it!

What do I do about my clothes????? I am so torn. I have already put aside 14 pairs of pants for the thrift store, but there is always that doubt in the back of my mind... just because I have failed so many times before. I am putting so much money into this HM thing, that if I fail again... ugh, I will just be angry.

Until tomorrow... when we have found out I have gained. I am sure I have. Ciao!

Nothing to say

Not a lot to say today, I didn't really move up or down weight wise when I went into HM yesterday. Caiden and I walked around the mall for a few hours, got up to 11000 steps just doing that. I am nearing my deadline for the pay date, and I am losing my will to drive so hard it hurts. So tiring, and I don't know what to do to get more sleep.

My focus now is to lose the weight, so I can be beautiful in a wedding dress. So this drive on top of the drive I already had to succeed. It is exhausting.

Since yesterday...

I lost 1.2 lbs... yep I did that. That is all. HAHA

Just joking. That is a pretty awesome thing to lose one lb. I am so excited about the number getting smaller and smaller. I am so excited to be thin, and to look for wedding dresses that aren't size 24 (yes they are sized bigger, I know this). I don't know what size I will be at the end, but I am shooting for at least a size 6. Wow wouldn't that be a nice number. I don't remember ever being that number, but I must have hit it as some point in my childhood.

So I should have just updated my stats this evening instead of this morning. Here they are:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 208.2
Weight lost: 15.6 lbs
Inches lost: 18.25

I beat Thanksgiving!

Yes I did!!! I lost .8 of a pound. For me this was the scariest holiday. But I really felt good when I left Scotts parents house. I didn't touch any desserts, and believe me there were lots. It was difficult! I got my measurements taken yesterday, and I am down 18 1/4 inches. Hard to believe a foot and a half of fat has been burned off of me. I like putting it in those terms, it makes it more impressive.

I got so many compliments about how awesome I look at dinner, and it made me feel so awesome. I cant wait to see them at the end of this and hear the comments then. They couldn't believe that I had 84 lbs to lose. I carry my weight well.

With my big weight loss change, comes another change in my life. Thanksgiving morning, Scott got down on one knee (in the kitchen of all places) and proposed to me.

I am so over the moon excited, and Scotts parents were just about in tears when we told them. And as coincidence would have it, my bestie also got proposed to yesterday and will now not only be my best friend, but my sister. Congrats Caity!! Love you!

So these are my new stats!!

Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 209.4
Weight lost: 14.6 lbs
Inches lost: 18.25

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends. I hope everyone has so much to be thankful for on this day. I am thankful for my wonderful friends and family. For the health and happiness for all around me. I am thankful for the willpower that I am taking to my inlaws tonight. I DO NOT NEED PUMPKIN PIE!!!!

At the suggestion of my bestie, I weighed myself this morning, to see where I was, since my last HM visit was on friday. DOWN!! Woot Woot!

Under 210, is an amazing feeling. Planning for food this day has been hard. I am not much liking the not being in control of what is being made. But I am planning to stay within my limits, and prepared to be a little (JUST A LITTLE!!) up tomorrow. This is without having desert (I am planning on bringing something that is acceptable on my free exchange list to endulge while they are pigging out on crap) and either not having mashed potatoes (my fave) or not having stuffing. I will decide when it comes down to it, although I am not a fan of stuffing, so maybe some potatoes.

I leave myself with 1 protein, 1 fat, 4 veggies, 1 starch and 2 fruits tonight... and of course my free exchange. I think I will be ok. This will be a good test of my will power.

Stats:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 209.6
Weight lost: 14.2 lbs
Inches lost: 12.25

!!

Herbal Magic day yesterday, I went there thinking I was up, and as usual when I have that feeling I was down. OMG. I was down 2.6 lbs. I caught up to where I was before I went to Edmonton, and I surpassed it by .4.

I just cant stop staring at myself, and seeing the transformation before me. I have to stop doing it! People are going to start thinking I am a weirdo or something HAHA.

My bestie and I went for a gym and swim yesterday, and it felt so awesome. I think I want to do it more. Even if I have to do it b myself. I love that feeling the day after, when you are hurting so much, but it is good because you can feel the work you have put into it. We took bra and unders pictures last night as she is also trying to lose weight. She has already lost 25 lbs!! I am so proud of her!

New contest!!: If you make three visits for the next 5 weeks, you get entered to win a trip to Turks& Caicos for 7 nights, hotel and flight and $500 spending money. That would be a nice contest to win. I never win anything though. so not holding my breath. (haha totally just typed breast).

So my stats so far:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 210.2
Weight lost: 13.6 lbs
Inches lost: 12.25

My measurements will be taken next week.

My first two NSV!!!

For those who don't know what this it, it is a non-scale victory. and I have had my first two.

1. When my husband died, I wore my wedding rings until I lost 40 lbs and they would fall off (this happened at about 3 months after he died). So I put them away for safe keeping. Then time passed and I just never put them on. I tried them on a while ago, and couldn't even fit the three bands on my ring finger which they were sized for.

I was at my friend Sabrinas last week, and she asked me if I ever wore them, and I said no. Then she said why don't you wear them on the other hand. Which was never a possibility, because my ring finger on my right hand is effing huge... like 2 sizes bigger.

So today I put them on, and I can fit 2 of the 3 bands on my right hand. It feels great to be able to wear that symbol of the life I once had. I hope to be able to wear all three bands by what would have been our 8th anniversary (Oct 25th).

2. I did a little impromptu fashion show this morning when I decided to try on some pants that I had been hoarding for just over 4 years. Every pair fit, except for one which I knew it wouldn't. They are all loose!!! So I went through all of my pants, and got rid of 2/3 of them. What an awesome pick me up to be able to pull down pants that 1 month ago were tight without undoing the button. I also tried on a dress I wore to my friends wedding in 2006, and got a yowza from Scott and a holy shit from myself. I think I look better in it today, than I did in 2006. Then I tried on a dress I wore to a wedding in 2005, and omg I look amazing.

I cant imagine how small I will get, because I have no reference... I don't even remember being 140.

I kept one pair of pants, so I can go on those commercials and be like "These are my old pants, and these are my new pants... see you can fit 2 of me in the old pants!!" HAHA

Off to do a gym and swim today. I am going to exhaust myself!

2 Weeks left

I went to HM yesterday and was pleased to be down 1.2 lbs from the day before. I was informed that on October 19 they will be paying me my 11 dollars per lb I have lost. So I have 2 weeks left to lose as much weight as I can. I am shooting for 9 lbs (not a realistic goal, but it is the one I am shooting for). That would put me at 20 lbs lost (since I gained 3.2 lbs on my trip).

So if anyone has any tips to lose weight quickly (The healthy way, I am not starving myself).... LET ME KNOW!!!

Todays plan is to do the Jari Love 1000 calorie workout, and the biggest loser workout. that should kick my ass, and get me some pounds lost. I think I will do either of those (or both) every day for the next two weeks. Tomorrow, I am planning on doing a swim and gym with my bestie as well.

Back... and devastated

Back from our trip to Edmonton. I did all the right things, I got a hotel room with a kitchen, we ate out only 2 times (while we were on the road) I followed the plan to the LETTER. I worked out in the exercise rooms and swam in the pools every day. I come home yesterday, and went right to HM because I had a bad feeling, and I wanted to get it over with... 

213.8

I cried. Well cried isn't the right word... I bawled. I am so hard on myself, and I want to succeed soo bad. I cannot handle when the number goes up. I feel so bad for the girl I saw yesterday, I have broken down twice with her. She reassured me that it was most likely water retention, as it was really hard to get my water in while on the road. 

I really wish I could stop being so hard on myself. So now I am slightly behind in my weight loss... and I have to play catch up. I never wanted to be in this position, and I certainly didn't think I would be here so soon in my journey. 

Scott just says, no matter if you lose weight or gain weight, you are still gorgeous to me. How can I be gorgeous to anyone, when I feel like a fat cow. I HATE THIS!!! 

Ever have one of those days

...weeks. I am in Edmonton, with nothing to do... don't know the area, don't know what is fun to do... Trying very hard to stick to my diet (which is hard when there is so much junk around). I feel like I came here for nothing. :( I thought I would have had some shoots done, but 1 cancelled because she is sick :( and My friend Sabrina had a bad day with her little kitty (Totally understand about the kitty Sab. NOT MAD!!!).

I had the best workout of my life yesterday. Walked around West Edmonton Mall for 5 or 6 hours. WOOOO!! That was a big walk. Then came back to the hotel and made our dinner of veggies and chicken. Then went downstairs and worked out in the hotels gym (sparsely equipped, but it has a treadmill, elliptical, stairclimber, and stationary bike. Then swam for an hour in the pool. I would have swam longer, but I was all by myself in the pool room, and it started to get a little creepy.

Caiden is doing wonderfully. He got to see the sea lion show at West Ed yesterday, and was quite excited about it. He was awesome the whole trip here... He played, read, slept, and watched movies on the iPad.

So I don't know what we are doing today... We haven't decided, but I hope to be able to go to Sabrinas this evening.

I really hope that I don't weigh myself when I get home and have gained... I am so scared of that.

Slight change in plans

Scott was unable to get today off work, but was able to get his first mornings off... so he is coming with me to Edmonton!! I am so excited for this adventure, and to visit my friends there. They are all awesome people! I just can't wait.

I will not be weighing myself at all this week, which is going to be hard, but I am confident I can make the proper choices to stick with my diet. The hotel we are staying at has a kitchen, so that will make things VERY easy. This week I am shooting for at least 3 lbs lost. If I could do more, great... I will not beat myself up if I don't make this goal. Ultimately, I just want to not gain. Sodium is my enemy!!! But I drink a lot of water, so it should be ok.

I have been struggling with 0 appetite and today is the second day in a row, that I didn't want to eat anything. I had to force myself to eat every morsel of food today, and I feel blah now. I don't know if it is just in my head, and I am feeling guilty for eating anything... or if it is just my body not being hungry. It doesn't make sense. I will be asking at HM when I get back about this, because it is starting to worry me.

I am planning on doing an insane workout tonight, it is supposed to burn 1000 calories in 70 minutes. HOLY!!! I am scared LOL.

Challenges.

Every Monday and Friday I go into HM and they ask me if I am anticipating any challenges for the weekend, or if I had any challenges on the weekend. IE: Birthday parties, BBQ's. I haven't had any real challenges since my birthday weekend. But this next week is going to be hard. I am taking a trip to visit some awesome people, and take some pictures in Edmonton. I am staying with a dear friend (who is so incredible to put up with me :) ).

I am going to try my best to NOT eat out, and stay on my diet. It is possible, just going to be a challenge. I have had challenges with my appetite, I go from extreme hunger where I just want to snack, to having a day like today where I have absolutely 0 appetite. I seriously am not hungry today at all, and have forced myself to eat every stitch of food that has entered my mouth.

I have these days of no appetite often, and usually they are accompanied by a day of stress. I don't have stress really, except for the stress of the roadtrip I am about to take, with a 3 year old.... all by ourselves. GOOD LORD WHAT AM I THINKING!!! When I have a super bad stress day, I just want to gobble down chocolate and pepsi. But that won't get me anywhere.

I went to HM today... .8 down!!! Hooray!! I am so excited to see the number go down. I know I sound like a broken record, but I don't care LOL. I am proud of myself.


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 211
Weight lost: 12.8 lbs
Inches lost: 12.25

The dreaded Shelf Gut...

if you aren't a mother, you probably don't know what the "shelf gut" is... It is where your belly juts out above your crotch. It is worse when you have a c-section, which I did. My belly juts out just above my section scar. It is something that I absolutely am ashamed of on my body, and I am so envious of the mothers that bounced back after giving birth.

I am so scared it wont go away, and I will have a fat flap, not unlike the one that Adam Sandler had in the movie "Click". Can it go away? I know there are exercises I can do to tone, but how can you tone skin?

I know that drinking lots of water helps with your skin elasticity. Drinking water is something that I always hated, but I am getting more than my recommended intake every day.

I will do whatever I have to to make that thing go away... I would love to avoid surgery, but one day I would love to have a breast lift. Wouldn't it be nice to have a skinny body, and boobs that stood high as they did when I was 18 LOL! One can dream. Maybe when I am done having kids, that is something I will look into.

I really cannot stop staring at my side profile. Every time I walk by the mirror, I turn to the side, because I cannot believe how my body is changing. 13 lbs doesn't seem like a lot, but it really is in the grand scheme of things. I try to imagine how my body will look when I reach my goal. I don't even remember what 140 looks like on me! What size will my clothes be? What size will my ass be? HAHA! I am becoming so vain LOL, but I will not change who I am for anyone.

I watched this show that was on FOX many years ago called "The Swan", The ladies went on there, and received plastic surgery so they would no longer have "imperfections". I read that the majority of the ladies that were on that show, and got the transformations went home, and were completely different people and most of their relationships broke up. They felt they no longer had to settle for the spouse they had, because they were skinny, and beautiful.

I can't imagine losing all this weight and then becoming an asshole to those I love. It won't happen. I have heard it from a couple people that this may happen. I am changing my body, not my mind LOL.

Sorry if this post seems kind of all over the place. It makes sense in my head. I SWEAR!! HAHA

Oh well, tomorrow is HM day. Think thin!! Think thin!!

Another day

and another 1.8 lbs down. As I was making the 35 minute drive to HM yesterday, my stomach was in knots. I was so scared I would be up again. I got there, and she said "How do you feel today?" I said, "Nervous!!". Why is it when I go there, and I am all confident that I have lost weight, I feel skinnier, I am up... and when I am so nervous and feel bloated and like I have't lost, I have lost? It is so weird, and it is making it so hard to not weigh myself at home.

The scale is still in the RV, and will stay there... I weighed myself on my moms scale, which isn't electronic... just to see the difference between hers and mine, and hers said I was 5 lbs lighter than I actually was. I like hers HAHA!.

Yesterday, I burned 1286 calories (according to MFP) moving and stacking 2 cords of wood for my mom. With the help of my bestie, Scott, my mom and even Caiden, it took us just under 2 hours. Man that was hard work. My body is soooo sore today, so I think today will be a rest day.

I also took a bad spill at my inlaws house and landed on my hip. EFF did that ever hurt. I had a case of the two left feet LOL. Oh well accidents happen (as the song from Thomas the Tank Engine keeps ringing through my head).

So my stats are this now:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 211.8
Weight lost: 12 lbs
Inches lost: 12.25

With 210 on the horizon, and 200 not far behind there. I am getting incredibly excited to see a number on the scale that I have not seen in so many years.

My goal is 199 by October 15th. I CAN DO IT!!!

Feeling better..

Yes, I feel better today. New day, new month with Herbal Magic. I have these weak moments when I feel like I am not making progress and I feel so pressured to be losing the weight. Don't get me wrong, I want this... more than I have wanted anything else in my life. I see others around me that are having great success on their various diets, and it makes me long for this to happen faster. But that is unreasonable.

I have these moments where I just want to stay in bed and rest for the day, but I cannot do that, because Caiden won't let me, and also because of the drive to be a size I have not been since... maybe 1994-1995. That was a lifetime ago.

Today I said to myself I was going to let my body rest. So now I am going to go have a nap LOL. Tomorrow I will go back to HM, and I have to help my mom stack wood. So that will be my workout for the day HAHA.

Until tomorrow...

One Month in...

Well today was my one month anniversary. I don't even know how I feel about today, I am really just blah. I went in and weighed myself at HM and am up .4lbs. I know that isn't a lot, and womens bodies can fluctuate blah blah blah, but it just kinda took the wind out of my sail.

OK I am ahead of the game, my projected weight loss was 8lbs for the month and I am 10lbs. Pretty flipping good!

/pats self on back!

BUT!!! I was shooting for 200 or 199lbs rather by October 1st and I don't think it will happen. It feels like the harder I work at it, the less I lose. Seriously, on the weekend, I took a rest day. Did not work out at all (Other than walking on the beach and around town) I lost 3.2 lbs. yesterday I worked my ass off and I am slightly up.

I am not whining... well yes I am LOL. I am so hard on myself. Why am I so hard on myself? I am seeing awesome results so far and I have only small amounts of regrets (being the lack of chocolate haha) that I started this journey.

They started asking me today about my goals, and where I want to be on each anniversary date. I really wish they would stop this, it is putting me under so much unneeded pressure. I will do it, I will succeed, and I will not fall behind. I will not allow myself to have to fight to catch up. The 2 lbs a week is reasonable right? But what if I reach a plateau and I cannot pass it?

These thoughts alone are driving me to push myself further than I should go. Because my body is screaming, STOP!!!! I am so exhausted, and even on the rest days, I cannot stop. I never thought I would be so obsessed with exercise... because well, I hate it with a passion.

I should be proud of what I have accomplished so far, instead I am ashamed that I let myself get this fat. I guess I am just having a bad day. Stupid women hormones LOLOLOLOL!!!

Well these are my stats so far:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 213.2
Weight lost: 10 lbs
Inches lost: 12.25

My first Magnet!

I have resisted the urge to go and weigh myself... for two days! I didn't really work out, although my photoshoot on Saturday had me trucking around the beach, and yesterday the fam and I went for a huge long walk around town. I woke up this morning and I was anxious and feeling like my weight loss was not progressing as fast as I wanted it to, so I told Scott to get ready and we were going to go to HM ASAP! I wanted to get weighed so I didn't obsess about it all day, and I didn't get upset. I felt fatter than I had in days this morning.

So we went to HM, and she asked me how I was doing, and I said I was nervous I would be up... I stepped on that scale and DUN DUN DUN... 213.2! WHAT??!?!?!?!? Did I read that correctly??? Yes I did! and that puts me at 10.4 lbs lost in just under 4 weeks. With my month anniversary on Wednesday, my projected weight loss for the month is only 8lbs. I am already ahead of the game. Shooting to reach 12 lbs lost by Wednesday. It is only 1.6 lbs, I think I can do it. That would be stupendous.

So she gave me my first little magnet that said 10 lbs lost! I am excited to fill up my fridge with these stupid ugly little things. (I hate green HAHA).

Only triumphs from now on! Failure is not in my vocabulary!

Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 213.2
Weight lost: 10.4 lbs
Inches lost: 8.9

Resisting the temptation

The other night I put the scale out in the RV. I locked the door, and I haven't been out there since. It is soooo hard. I just want to go out there and see my progress. I am starting to see the changes in my body, even though it isn't much weight off me. Even last time I lost weight, I really didn't notice it on myself, but those around me were quick to ask me if I had lost weight. I cannot wait until I get MUCH slimmer, and those people who have not seen me in a while are so blown away they are speechless. I can dream HAHA.

I am feeling thinner the last few days, although I have been trying to give my body a few rest days. No dice yesterday, the photoshoot I was doing had me trucking all over the beach. So today is my rest day. I will NOT work out today. I won't know if I gained or lost until I go to HM tomorrow. it is so stressful! Resisting the temptation of going out and weighing myself is going to be harder than I thought.

I tried bumping my calories and slowing down my workout because a couple people told me that as you hit some of the stable spots in your weight gain (ie. 215 I was at 215 for a long time before it increased). It is the same coming down. So my body seems to be getting used to the diet, and taking its sweet ass time to get rid of all that DISGUSTING FAT!!!

We will see tomorrow. fingers crossed!!

Rough day...

This post is not about my weight loss. It is only 8:16am and I am already having a rough day. It is the 6th anniversary of my husbands death. I am happy with my life, and I love my family so much. But I still can't help but feel like I was robbed sometimes.

he had this laugh that was so infectious, you couldn't help but laugh along with him. Everyone said it will hurt less over time, but it doesn't really. On this day every year, I just have this pain in my heart that I feel like will never go away.

I was a completely different person when he was around. His death and all the heartache since then has made me... I don't  know. People tell me they cannot believe how amazing and strong I am, but on days like today I want to laugh at them. I am not strong. I am a weak, blubbering idiot.

I have a photoshoot today, that I booked for today so I could keep busy and try to stay focused. We will see how that goes.

I miss you Les! <3

Victory!

I did it!!, I put the scale in the RV and I will attempt to not weigh myself until Monday when I go into HM. I can do this! I was getting too obsessed. Down .8 lbs today when I went to HM, I am ahead of where I should be at week three! I feel awesome!

Bestie and I walked 7km today. It was a brisk walk, and the wind was blowing. I am not liking the cold at all. Just have to say that the harbourside walk all the way to Brechin boat ramp in Nanaimo is nice, but not my favorite. Probably the only walk in Nanaimo that I would consider walking by myself.

The diet is getting much easier, as I am quickly learning the serving size per portion. That is nice to know without having to check my list every time... Saves me some hassle. Eventually I wont even need that thing, I hope soon.

I also hacked my hair off today, and it feels incredible. NO MORE PONYTAILS FOR ME!!!! I am so prepared for the new me to emerge. I just wish it could happen a tad quicker. But I am working on it. I am shooting for my 1 month anniversary date and being 12 lbs lost. That would be an incredible feeling. (I probably lost about 1 or 2 lbs with my hair cut).

I can do it!!

oh and here is my new haircut

Ouch!

I feel like I am stuck. So I am pushing myself beyond my limits. I feel like the weight will never come off, and everything I am doing is for nothing. My finish date is 271 days away. Seems like that is a lifetime to lose 78 more pounds. But it isn't and I feel like I am falling behind where I should be at my 3 week point. 2 lbs a week sounded very attainable, and after my first 3 weeks being so great, I am just stuck. Not gaining, not losing. What do I do?

I just did 1.5 hours of kick boxing and OMG I hurt. My pains have pains, and I am exhausted. How in the heck can I continue if I am so exhausted. Should I be pushing myself as hard as I am to get the weight off. I am not a quitter! I will succeed... I think.

I am planning on going for a LONG walk tomorrow. Not a challenging trail, but I have the option to make it a 7km walk or a 14km walk. I am opting for the 14km walk... But we will see what my bestie says as she is walking with me. I plan on walking briskly... I wish I could run, but alas, I have shitty knees and constant heel pain. Part of why I am doing this weight loss journey is so I can walk without being in pain with EVERY step. That is why it makes the walks so challenging, because my feet hurt... so much. I am hoping that with less weight on them, everything will be fine again.

The other part of why I want to succeed so bad, is so Caiden will have me around to see his milestones. (graduating, getting married, having babies). I want him to be able to have me come to school to pick him up and not have the other kids make fun of him because his mommy is a fat cow.

Plus, looking incredible in a bikini wouldn't be so bad. LOL.

Glad to have my little workout buddy and cheerleader with me today. He wouldn't let me quit my circuit training. Good Boy Caiden!!

My Obsession!!

 I am becoming obsessed with the number on the scale. I weigh myself so many times a day, which makes me want to cry when I don't see the number that I want.

So I weigh myself after my morning pee, because that is the lightest I will be all day. I weigh myself 10 minutes later when I ... #2. WTF the number goes up!! lol I weigh myself after breakfast, lunch, dinner and before I go to bed.

How do I get past this obsession? I cut out the weighs after the meals, so just when I get up, and when I go to bed. I look at the number before bed as the most I will be all day, and seeing it be below 220 every night makes me feel awesome. Sets me up for the next day, knowing that it will be much less. But am I allowing my body to be fully at rest, in order to recuperate? So my challenge for the next few days (or the rest of my journey) is to write something in my blog or journal, something that I did awesome that day... instead of weighing myself. I won't weigh myself before bed, and will only weigh myself the days that I do not go into HM.

L at HM today told me she is proud of my accomplishments so far. That made me feel great and important. Like someone cares about this journey I am on.

I was disheartened to step on the scale this morning and the number went up slightly. Why? I ate very well yesterday, I did my exercise... although I didn't do my biggest loser workout, because I was exhausted. I don't consider this a bad thing, but I hate the feeling I have when I wake up and haven't lost. It makes me feel like I am failing... like I wont make my goal.

Is that silly?

not much to say today...

BUT I am down again!!! Yippee! Every night I step on the scale, to see what my weight is, at the absolute highest it will be in the day. Last night and the night before it was under 220. Go me!!


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 215
Weight lost: 8.8lbs
Inches lost: 8.9

Oh Happy day!!

I feel like I don't have much to write today. Although I went to HM today, and I was down 2.4 on their scale. Their scale was just about what mine said this morning. How is that for making me feel awesome!!! I do, I really feel awesome. I can do so much without being out of breath, and it will only get better.

I walked 10km today! HOLY!!! Also, when I started HM they were doing a step challenge (walking across Canada with our recorded steps) I was so far behind, and in just under 3 weeks I have risen to 3rd place in the leader standings! This is due in most part to my huge long walks I have been taking, and my workouts. It hurts, but as they say: no pain, no gain.

I have to say that every day this diet gets easier, and I am almost finding now, that I have too much food to eat in a day.

I have a plan to do a walk... called the parkway trail. With my bestie! Wait for this... it is 20KM. can we do it?? I think we can, and I am going to carry a backpack with 30 lbs on my back too. Oh yes I am! Maybe in a couple weeks! I will let you know if we can actually accomplish this goal!

My progress so far

These were taken the day I started HM. August 24th ish

These were taken today!! Am I crazy? or is there a huge difference?????

Going down down down

The number just keeps going down! It makes me so happy. Although I cannot help wanting it to go down faster. I am working my butt off to get under 200 by October 1st. Can I do it? I think I can, but I need to keep it up!

Last night I had a bad night. I grabbed a bottle of Dad's Root Beer (I bought the case the day before I started HM and haven't had any) and a bag of chocolate covered cherries. I was upset, and I needed some comfort food. I have no coping mechanism for my emotions anymore, junk was always that for me. I didn't drink it, or eat any chocolate. Thanks to Scott! I can't say whether I would have gone through with it... but my willpower definitely failed me last night.

Thank heavens I didn't, I stepped on the scale this morning (even though I was told to limit my time on the scale) and I am down just about 1 pound (my scales weight) and just over 2 pounds (their scales weight)!!!

So, My stomach is shrinking, I could barely finish dinner last night. This is a good thing! AND I hardly crave anything other than a glass of water! This is a wonderful feeling.

I would also like to acknowledge this date. September 11, 2001. I remember what I was doing when the towers were struck, and my heart goes out to every single person who lost their lives, lost their loved ones, and have health problems because of their sacrifice.

Until tomorrow :)


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 216.6
Weight lost: 7.2lbs
Inches lost: 6.5

Less food, Less weight

So since I started HM, I have been struggling with the diet. I have been feeling hungry all the time, and it is a feeling I am not used to, and do not enjoy. I know my stomach is starting to shrink, because my meal last night was small, and filled me up. For the first time in weeks, I was full after a meal. BOOYAAH!!!

Obviously it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you eat less food, you put on less weight, and/or lose weight. But getting on the mindset to not eat until I want to puke because I ate too much is sooooo hard.

For me, it is hard to have the right food on hand to fulfill my appetite, and my diet. Since I need protein in every meal, and I am limited as to what protein I can count as my protein, I am fearful that I might get very sick of the foods that I am really starting to enjoy.

I never thought it would be so much fun to go to the grocery store, and have a cart full of vegetables instead of the processed food I would previously fill my cart with.

I have been keeping track of my calories and exercise on My Fitness Pal, which has been a good tool in keeping me feeling like I have to be accountable for everything I eat and do. So helpful also to see the people on there, who had large starting weight numbers, and that have lost so much already.

I went to HM today and I didn't gain or lose since two days ago... shows you what a day of taking it easy (for the sake of my foot which is injured) does for you... so I am finishing this entry, and I am putting on my shoes and going to go work out for the next.... hmmmm.... I guess until Caiden wakes up from his nap.

The things we view as triumphs

I have been having a bad day. I stepped on the scale this morning and I was up... UP!!! I was so defeated and angry with myself. Even though I know it isn't me. I am sticking to the diet, I am taking the supplements. and I am not losing... just because of that stupid desert on my birthday. Or so I thought! I received some bad news on the way to HM this afternoon, and I broke down. I told her that I am struggling (not with cravings, or overeating) but struggling with the fact that I cannot binge eat when I am having a bad day.

I said I felt like I wasn't losing fast enough and wasn't seeing results. The more I work at it the less I lose. I walked 15km the other day and I didn't lose anything. I walked 9 yesterday and my scale said I gained.

She told me to get up on the scale, and see where we were at. I step on the scale, prepared for a giant number, and low and behold... the number was 1.8 pounds less than when I went there on Tuesday. YES!!!! So she told me to stop obsessing so much about the scale. What matters is what I am weighing on their scale.

I felt reassurance and I feel much better. I am going to abstain from weighing myself tomorrow and Saturday, and see what happens when I go back on Saturday. I am back to where I was weight wise before my birthday adventure. You better believe there will not be anymore deserts in my near future.

A little bump...

Well, my birthday was wonderful. Scott took me to a resort and we spent the day at the spa! So incredible and relaxing. I had a wonderful time. It was incredibly hard to stay on my diet. BUT I had a desert on my birthday, and that has just knocked me on my ass. I went to Herbal Magic on my way back home, and I was up three pounds. I just wanted to cry.

When you think you are making the proper choices on a menu, you really aren't. That is why they recommend you NEVER eat out. Too much salt!! So I am back on track on the diet, eating the way I should again, and I did not gain or lose when I stepped on the scale this morning... well ok I was down .4 of a pound, it is hard to count that though.

I was really upset this morning when I stepped on that scale, I just said WHAT THE HELL! I walked 15 km yesterday, and I have walked all day today as well. I am stuck... why is the weight not moving? Am I burning fat, and building muscle? I cannot help but feel a little discouraged. But I know I am making the right choices... for example, I said no to the strawberry,raspberry cheese cake my mother in law made. It was hard, but I said no.

I am going to HM tomorrow. Fingers crossed the number is down! I need encouragement people!! HAHA

Victory is mine!!

If I just keep at it!! I am down another pound and a bit from yesterday! It is a wonderful feeling.

Last night was a rough night. I just wanted chocolate! The nights when Scott is working evenings are the worst. He isn't there to push me to say no, and sometimes my willpower (which I have always struggled with) just isn't enough.

I won't be able to go into HM until Wednesday, or Tuesday if I am lucky. I cant wait to step on that scale and see like 3 or 4 pounds less. I want to be under 200 so bad. The smallest I have ever gotten with my yo-yo dieting was 201. I was so close, and then it shot back up.

I have a bit of anxiety though... all I can think is when I get to my goal (which I will), what happens if I just cant keep it off? This scares me. Once I am in my stabilization phase and my maintenance phase, I am sure this anxiety will go away.

Every day when I see a little more weight gone, it just drives me to say no to junk food. Why do the ads on TV have to look sooooo freaking good.

If anyone is actually reading this, see you in a few days :D HAPPY LABOUR DAY!! and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEE!!! HAHA


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 216.4
Weight lost: 7.4lbs
Inches lost: 6.5

How it works?

Perhaps I should shed some light on how Herbal Magic works and what it is. I have had many people ask me these questions.

So here goes.

First off is the diet. There are a few different programs you can do, and they will find one right for you based on your body.
I am on the QLP-2 program.

These are my portions for the day...


Breakfast: 1 protein, 1 starch, 1 healthy fat
snack: 1 fruit, 1 dairy
lunch: 1 protein, 1 starch, 2 vegetables
snack: 1 fruit
dinner: 1 protein, 2 veggies, 1 healthy fat
snack: 1 fruit, 1 free exchange.


protein example: 2 eggs, or 5 oz (raw weight) of white meat chicken, or 4 oz lean beef (raw weight)
Starch: 1 piece of whole wheat bread, or 1/2 cup corn flakes
Fruit: 1 cup cherries, or 1/2 banana
Veggie: 1 cup cauliflower,  or 1 cup cucumber
Dairy: 6oz fat free or plain yogurt
Fat: 2 tbsp avocado, or 1/2 tbsp peanut butter, or (not to exceed 3 times a week) 1/2 oz pistachios (which works out to 8 pistachios LOL)

Free exchange is stuff like 1/2 cup pasta sauce, 2tbsp raisins, 4 oz wine or 100 calorie snack pack.

I take 16 pills a day (all natural).
With breakfast, lunch and dinner I take:
1 each Weight management, which has green tea leaf extract and caffeine in it.
1 each Chromagic,  which has biotin, chromium. and vitamin B6. This supports healthy glucose metabolism.
1 each Metabolic plus, which has biotin, folate, magnesium, thiamin, Vitamin D, and vitamin B12. This helps to metabolize carbs, fats, and proteins.
2 each L-Glutabolic Forte, Which has l-glutamine, and magnesium. This helps restore glutamine levels and support immune system health after periods of physical activity.
I also take a womans multivitamin every morning.

There you have it! 16 pills.

Also drink WATER WATER WATER!!!! This helps immensely!

You also have to commit to going in three times a week for a weigh in, once a week you do a measure of your inches lost, and every visit you get a booster pill. One for boosting red blood cell production, one for energy and a colon cleanse.

You are guaranteed to lose 2 lbs a week (if you stick to the diet).

Support

Have you ever tried to diet, and cut your portions so much that those around you think you are absolutely nuts? I am having this problem right now. Although I am getting my recommended 1200 (or just below it) calories a day, I get the "Oh you can have just a little bit more" or "Can't you have a piece of this?". It makes it so hard. I have always struggled with my willpower. Being a Pepsi addict doesn't really help, and that sweet sweet chocolate...mmmmmm.... ok back to reality. I cannot eat that stuff anymore.

I went to Herbal Magic yesterday, and I am down 1 more pound. YIPPEE!!! They are so awesome there. They gave me a birthday card signed by everyone in the office. It offered me well wishes for the best birthday wishes come true for me. The birthday wishes I have are already coming true. Next year on my birthday, I will be 140 lbs and I will feel incredible.

So my challenge: Scott has told me to pack for two days and that we are leaving tomorrow to go somewhere... but won't tell me where. I have to stick to my diet and not fall to the temptation of that cheesecake, or big giant steak.... mmmmmmm.... LOL. It is going to be hard!

There is another herbal supplement that they gave me for occasions such as this, when you cannot completely conform to your diet. Burns extra fat and carbs, so you can have a little indulgence. Hella expensive, which makes it so you NEVER want to cheat. Cheating on the diet is just cheating yourself. I know this.

So I will write when I get back. :)


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 217.6
Weight lost: 6.2lbs
Inches lost: 6.5

A little bit annoying...

On this diet, you don't have to do much exercise to make it work. But I have been, because I am determined to reach my goal before HM says I will. I have been going hard on it, with lots of walking and intense aerobic workouts. The problem with that, is that I get SO hungry. My portions stay the same, so it makes it difficult to not want to get up and eat an entire tub of ice cream. It is kind of annoying!

I finally made it through my entire 60 minute biggest loser workout last night. Usually I get to about 40 minutes and am so exhausted I cannot complete it. That is not the way I am going to reach my goal. I try having my BF Scott there so he can push me and encourage me... but he kind of turns scary LOL! He WONT let me quit. I am limited at the times I can actually work out because I cant do it when Caiden is awake and walking around. So I am stuck doing it after 8pm.

I have been keeping track of my steps on the pedometer as well, and I get very disappointed in myself if I see a number less than 7000 at the end of the day. Last night I checked the pedometer and it said 11204! YES!!

/pats myself on the back

I get to go to HM today and do my weigh-in. Fingers crossed!!!!

First step to a NEW ME!!!

First of all, I have to apologize for my lack of proper writing skills. I am a musician, not a writer. My name is Linda, and I have a 3 year old son named Caiden. We live in BC, on Vancouver Island.

In September 2010, I started my first weight loss journey. I weighed about 238lbs and I could not even look myself in the mirror. I started eating better, cut out pop and ate less cheese and chocolate. I walked and worked out daily, and by March 2011, I had lost 37 lbs.

I hadn't felt so good in a long time. 6 years ago I had a huge tragedy in my life when my husband of just under 2 years was killed in a helicopter accident. After he died, I couldn't eat... or sleep. I lost 42 lbs then. I gained it all back and then some over the next few years. I had a baby, and my weight sky rocketed. 238lbs is the heaviest I have ever been!

So in March, things were really bad in my family, we hit a rough patch financially, and were unable to make ends meet. This meant lots of crap food because it is cheaper and easy to make (when you are too stressed to cook). and so began the steady incline of my numbers on the scale... yet again.

Last week, I was standing in the bathroom staring at my face in the mirror, and I said to my reflection "You are disgusting". This may sound sad to you, and I can safely say that I am ashamed at how bad I have let my body become.

I called Herbal Magic and made an appointment for a consultation. The program is amazing, and the ladies in Nanaimo are so awesome and very supportive. I have stuck to the diet (Which is sooooo incredibly hard) and I take 16 herbal supplements a day. I have to weigh myself every morning which feels like so much pressure. I went up slightly the day before yesterday, and I felt like crying.

Wednesday (yesterday) was my 10th day there and I have lost 5.2 lbs and 6.5 inches off my entire body. I am steadily seeing the numbers go down on the scale, and I am more determined than every to see my end number of 140lbs. The date they estimated for me to complete my weight loss is June 12/12. That doesn't even seem like a long time away.

I want to have this blog as a way to get my triumphs and my frustrations out of my head. I want to be an inspiration for my son, and my family and friends, and for anyone else who has ever felt like they were disgusting and had trouble making it happen.

Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 218.6
Weight lost: 5.2lbs
Inches lost: 6.5


I CAN DO IT!!!!