Well today was my one month anniversary. I don't even know how I feel about today, I am really just blah. I went in and weighed myself at HM and am up .4lbs. I know that isn't a lot, and womens bodies can fluctuate blah blah blah, but it just kinda took the wind out of my sail.
OK I am ahead of the game, my projected weight loss was 8lbs for the month and I am 10lbs. Pretty flipping good!
/pats self on back!
BUT!!! I was shooting for 200 or 199lbs rather by October 1st and I don't think it will happen. It feels like the harder I work at it, the less I lose. Seriously, on the weekend, I took a rest day. Did not work out at all (Other than walking on the beach and around town) I lost 3.2 lbs. yesterday I worked my ass off and I am slightly up.
I am not whining... well yes I am LOL. I am so hard on myself. Why am I so hard on myself? I am seeing awesome results so far and I have only small amounts of regrets (being the lack of chocolate haha) that I started this journey.
They started asking me today about my goals, and where I want to be on each anniversary date. I really wish they would stop this, it is putting me under so much unneeded pressure. I will do it, I will succeed, and I will not fall behind. I will not allow myself to have to fight to catch up. The 2 lbs a week is reasonable right? But what if I reach a plateau and I cannot pass it?
These thoughts alone are driving me to push myself further than I should go. Because my body is screaming, STOP!!!! I am so exhausted, and even on the rest days, I cannot stop. I never thought I would be so obsessed with exercise... because well, I hate it with a passion.
I should be proud of what I have accomplished so far, instead I am ashamed that I let myself get this fat. I guess I am just having a bad day. Stupid women hormones LOLOLOLOL!!!
Well these are my stats so far:
Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 213.2
Weight lost: 10 lbs
Inches lost: 12.25
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