Friday, October 12, 2012

Rants

Not weight loss related in any way... But it has been a rough day and I need to get this off my chest.

I have been actively trying to potty train my darling boy Caiden for close to a year now. I never really pushed it at first, I just kind of let it happen when it happened. At first it was fine, he would pee on the potty and YAY's would be yelled and treats would be had blah blah blah... He had a really good streak of pooping on the potty and I really thought he had it, and we would not have to buy another box of stupid diapers again... well until we have another (although, I believe I am going cloth the next time). He has reverted back to crapping in his pants and keeps telling me that "I just didn't use the potty"... no shit you didn't use the potty.

I have always been a super laid back parent, and never really forced anything on him other than basic safety common sense stuff... but it is getting ridiculous, and I am starting to get the attitude from other parents and...*cringe* non parents. I don't know what to do anymore and it is starting to make me rage. I physically need to walk away from him after he comes to me and tells me he pooped in his pants.

Add to it the fact that since this darling child of mine has turned 4, he has become Satan incarnate. He throws temper tantrums only at home (never at grandparents house), will not listen to me or Scott and his favorite word is NO. I am soooooooo over the 4's! Although he is pretty freaking funny.

So that is my rant about Caiden...

My other rant...

I have always been a good tipper, and I understand it is a hard job to have (waitressing), but! You seat your guests, you take their orders, someone else brings out the food, and I sit there with an empty cup for almost an hour all the while you have been to the table next to me 6 times. I wanted to bring half of my dinner home because after all, I am trying to lose weight... but do you come back to see if I am ok, to see if I need anything... to give me the bill even? Nope, so while my son hides under the table to crap himself and I sit there seething because I don't want to waste my food and no one is helping me, I decide I will never return to your restaurant. You are lucky I gave you the little tip I did give you, and I didn't even get to take my food home.

grrrrrrr!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

It's been a while

I quit Herbal Magic because I just couldn't afford it anymore. I have a wedding to pay for now, and shelling out over 400 bucks a month was just sucking me dry.

I got down to 182 with them, and immediately after quitting with them, I went nuts and ate EVERYTHING in sight. I gained 12 lbs back, and now I can't lose anything. I lose something and then the next day it is back... I know that a lot of it is water retention, and I am eating properly again after my month of pigging out during camping and what not. I have my full gym downstairs that is just as hard to get into than if I had to leave my house to get to the gym. Caiden doesn't allow me a lot of time on my own to exercise. It is so stressful!

I have until April to lose the weight that I need to lose. That is when my wedding dress will be ready and I will have to get it altered. I know I can do it. I am renewed and so determined. I am not setting a number on what I want to lose, because I don't want to let myself disappointed.

I have 25 weeks... to lose 1-2 lbs each week. This is doable.

I am going to commit to recording everything I eat on MFP, and cut down my sugar and bread intake. These are really my vices, and I cannot seem to avoid them.

I have felt really alone in this lately, I used to have people behind me, encouraging me and pushing me to succeed... I feel like that has just gone away. So I will do what I normally do, and put my head down and do it on my own.

I will try to write in my blog as much as possible... even if it is really just writing to myself.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

off track...

Ok, I have not written in quite a while, and it is because I have been so busy. So busy, I do not even have time to brush my hair some days LOL!

I went into Herbal Magic at the end of June and told them that I wanted to go on stabilization. The fact that I had lost no more than 8 lbs in 6 months was stressful and depressing and I could no longer handle the pressure. So I began stabilization... which added more food to my plan. Immediately, I gained 3 lbs and I freaked out... I stopped going to them and I decided that I can and will do this on my own and save myself $500 a month. It has been nice not worrying about the judgement I got there (even though they were supposed to be supportive), and not worrying about how I was going to pay for all my pills for the month.

My file officially closes on August the 4th and since the end of June it has been a barrage of calls from them asking me where I have been (which I thank caller ID for the ability to screen such calls). I am just so sick of it.

I just didn't care for a few weeks and I ate like garbage (although still being aware of calorie counts). So I am 9 lbs up and working very hard to get them off again. My goal is still to hit 140-150lbs and I will do it. I am determined, and I will do it the healthy way.

I see all these people on My Fitness Pal who bitch about not losing weight, and all they do is no exercise and eat crap but stay under 1200 calories. crap is still crap, no matter how little you eat of it!

I have become a fan of smoothies lately, I pack those things full of veggies and fruit and put some protein in there, and it fills me up. Caiden even loves them (and he hates spinach). I have an awesome gym in my basement now, and I get really excited to use it every day. I mix cardio with weight training and I am excited to tone everything up and jiggle less... oh do I hate the jiggle.

Anyways, That is what is new with me.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Sorry

I haven't written in my blog for so long... there wasn't much point. I have been really busy with Caidens 4th birthday and we are doing renovations on our house. My goal date came and went with still 40ish lbs to lose, and I was really upset about it. It was always my goal to get there before they told me I would do it. That is just the type of person I am, but maybe my drive was just a little too much. I am still hovering around 179-184 depending on the day. I just cannot seem to break past this point no matter what I do. I am not going to be stressed out about it anymore.

I have talked repeatedly to the ladies at HM about my progress and lack thereof. I know I could do it on my own... I know I have the tools, but they just keep telling me that if I quit with them "where will that get me". I just hate being so unhappy with the scale not moving, and I know if I wasn't putting so much money into this diet, I would not be so stressed about it.


Stats:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185 reached Feb 19th
New Small goal: 170
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 180.8
Weight lost: 43 lbs
Inches lost: 52.5

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

ugh

so sick of seeing that 18- on the scale.... eff you 80's. That is all.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Past the hurdle

Including the weight loss I did on my own before I started Herbal Magic, I have lost 54 lbs. With Herbal Magic so far I have lost 45 lbs. I am over the hurdle of that stupid plateau I was stuck on for 4 months... and the funny thing is, it was going to that spa weekend and pigging out on endless tapas that got me over this hurdle. Ignoring my diet and my portions for just one night. Since then, I lost about 10 lbs. I had been losing and gaining the same 5 lbs for so long, it didn't seem real when the numbers started to drop again.

The stress of this last couple of months spending all this money on this diet and not seeing any results has been making me feel so guilty. Guilty for taking money away from activities I could be doing with my 4 year old and my fiance. Not wanting to exercise, or do anything really. But exercising to the point of wanting to throw up because nothing was happening. Feeling so lost, and so alone.... even though I had my love and my best friend behind me no matter what. Trying to stay positive, but struggling with it because all hope seemed lost for ever getting past the point I was stuck at. I spent the most part of my life in the 180's, my weight only started to climb after I had Caiden. I have been wondering for a while if this is where I was meant to be, but I still jiggle and I will not accept that this is where it ends.

So I am in the 170's now and I will fight to get it off. My goal will always be 140 (unless I get to 150 and like how I feel and look) and my new goal is 64 inches off (at least). That would be my height and I just have to lose 12.5 more inches to get there. I am positive, I am renewed. I can do this.

So here are my stats:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185 reached Feb 19th
New Small goal: 170
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 178.2
Weight lost: 45.2 lbs
Inches lost: 51.5

Friday, May 11, 2012

Such an awesome week

After months of not losing anything, I was getting so freaking stressed out. Not a happy camper at all. I haven't been writing in this blog, because 1. no one reads it anyways and 2. I feel like it is a waste of time since nothing is happening. I feel like the support I had has just fizzled away, and people I thought were my friends... really were not friends at all. Now I know. The people that have supported me all along are awesome and I love you all for it. You know who you are.

Anyways, after the struggle I have been having, I went on a girls only spa retreat weekend. I NEEDED IT!!! I had a plan for food, and I stuck with it for the most part. I went to HM on Friday on my way up there and the lady I... dislike, was the one to see me. I was slightly up on the scale from the day before, and she made me feel like shit for it... what kind of support is that? She told me that when I came in on Monday, I would be up regardless of my plan to bring healthy food and utilize the gym while I was there.

I brought grilled chicken, HM protein drinks, fruit and veggies, and water. I did have the endless tapas though on spa day. I followed my plan just about 100% and I felt so good about it. I stepped on the scale on Monday morning and saw a 2lb drop.

I started a fruit cleanse on Monday and Tuesday, which you can only do once a month. After this I saw a further 2.8 lbs gone. So, I think I am starting to drop again *fingers crossed*. I will not hit my goal date of June 12th, but that is ok. I will finish this!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Finding success...

Finding success in the little things, this has always been a struggle for me. Seeing my goals and sticking with them is so hard. I have lost and gained the same 5 lbs for the last 4 months and cried about it. But seeing the success of inches still falling off me, has eluded me. Why can't I just forget the number on the scale?

I was told to write myself a nurture list. 10 things I could do FOR MYSELF!!! that would give me a release from the stress of the number not moving on the scale. So I wrote a list of the things I love to do to release stress... very first on the list is singing. Something that I am so good at, and I never really get to do, so I am going to get back into it, and sing my heart out. Because I deserve to give myself something too.

I have my home gym downstairs set up, and the other day I made some posters that have quotes on them that I have found inspiration to continue my journey. Things like "NOTHING tastes as good as skinny feels" , and "Strength is just a frame of mind, own it!" I look at them to pump myself up. It feels great.


Stats:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185 reached Feb 19th
New Small goal: 170
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 181.2
Weight lost: 42.6 lbs
Inches lost: 49.5

Sunday, April 22, 2012

So far beyond frustrated...

I am so far beyond frustrated that my weight loss has stalled, I don't even think there is a word for what I am right now. I hit 189.8 on December 31st, and here I am STILL in the 180's almost 4 months later. I have done everything I am supposed to do, and it is so hard not to break down and run to Timmies and buy a dozen donuts and the biggest iced capp I can get. I keep thinking what the hell is the point of doing everything I am doing.

I miss KD! I miss Pepsi!

I lose 5 lbs, and then I get my TOM and gain that back... it has happened for 4 months now. How do I not lose my focus when this keeps happening?

I am getting a nice little gym downstairs, I have a recumbent bike, and elliptical and now a treadmill. Scott wants to get a home gym to do strength training, but that will come later. I hung the ribbon from my last measurement down there as a reminder that I am still losing inches. Thanks to Pinterest I made one of these:
Now that I see the beads in the vases, it doesn't look as impressive. But there I go making light of the pounds that I have lost... It is no small feat and I should be proud of myself. So why can I not be proud of myself?

I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS!!!!

Scott and I have been exercising together, I found some workouts on another blog that I follow, so we have been mixing these with the elliptical and treadmill.


Friday, April 13, 2012

The Fight - Lights out

The Fight for the PS3... all I can say is OMG. I never thought a boxing game could make me hurt so good. I guess I am a little crazy, but the best feeling int he world is the pain you feel when your muscles are in repair. That is how I am feeling today. I cannot lift my arms and my back is so sore!

A nice break from my usual, I went to my besties house yesterday and played this game and burned 402 calories. I can feel my Triceps without flexing now, I fit into small shirts (EEEEEEEEE!!!!!).

Although my weight has stalled, and I am so incredibly behind where I should be, I am still losing inches. I am encouraged still. I am pretty sure however, I will be doing HM for the rest of my life... or my body is just never going to be less than 180.

I just want to order my damn wedding dress LOL!!!

The ladies at HM gave me a nice card of condolence for Lucky passing away. It was very nice, and made me cry.

Monday, April 9, 2012

RIP

I had a wonderful Easter, full of hunts, and brunch, family and friends. I was great, I didn't eat any chocolate. It was a wonderful day, until we put Caiden to bed and then tried to find our cat Lucky. Sadly we found him in the back yard. I didn't see, but Scott said he looked mangled. I am so sad. Last night I just wanted to gorge myself on everything I could get my hands on... especially Pepsi.

I haven't spoke of my addiction to Pepsi as of yet, I don't think. I believe it is like... a drug I guess. I crave it so bad, and when I get it... even a sip, I look like those heroin users on Intervention after they have shot the needle thing in their arm. It is that bad.

All I wanted last night, was that euphoria that I feel when I drink it. But alas, there was none in the house. Today, I have 0 appetite, and I have spent the day in a numb stupor. Yes, yes, he was just a cat, but he was a member of the family and I will miss him dearly... as will Caiden.

RIP Lucky Lager. Thanks for being so good with Caiden. We love you.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

They are back...

Well, the in-laws are back from their winter away down south, and I get to go home soon and have life be back to normal. I get to have an actual room dedicated to gym equipment (even better now since I scored an elliptical off of freecycle) and a comfortable place to continue my Insanity workouts.

The biggest news I have to share today is my weigh in yesterday.... slightly up, which I am annoyed about, but in doing my measurements we discovered that I have now lost 3/4 of an inch off my thighs. Now I know this doesn't seem like an amazing feat and nothing to be excited or impressed about... BUT! The last time the number changed on my thigh measurement was 1 week after I started HM, back in September. It has always been the number I was most excited to see move. I hope it continues.


Saturday, March 24, 2012

Fit Test take 2

I did my second fit test after taking the week off due to illness, and I struggled through it blindly, and surprisingly did better.


Day 1 Fit Test: 1 minute per    2nd Fit test
Switch Kicks: 100                      108
Power Jacks: 36                          47
Power Knees: 63                          75
Power Jumps: 35                          54
Globe Jumps: 8                             12
Suicide Jumps: 6                            11
Push Up Jacks: 10                          18
Low Plank Obliques: 40                  62

Aside from hacking my lungs out throughout the entire workout, I am pretty stoked on my numbers. It also helps that I got new workout shoes that are like wearing pillows on my feet. NO PAIN!!! Love them.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A wonderful week

Despite being sick!


1 month and 3 days ago I hit my prepregnancy weight of 185. 1 month ago I hit 184, just .2 away from getting my magnet. Within two days of that I got my TOM and shot up to 191. I wanted to cry, and have been battling being sick since then. I knew I was down today because I just felt and looked skinnier today, but after all the frustration of fighting to get back to that number, I told them I only want to know my weight once a week. So last week I didn't know what I weighed and I was on the leader board for lbs lost. I didn't even know haha. I stepped on the scale this morning and I saw 181.2. I am almost in the 170's and I am 7 lbs down for the week. Just about time to hit my TOM again, I am so so so hoping that I don't have to fight again.

Stats:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185 reached Feb 19th
New Small goal: 170
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 181.2
Weight lost: 42.6 lbs
Inches lost: 46 1/2

Monday, March 19, 2012

Minor setback

I mentioned that I wasn't going to do Insanity until this cough went away, and I have been feeling crappy about that. But yesterday was spent in the emergency room because I could not breathe and I was hearing crackling when I took a breath. I spent a long time there waiting, and trying not to scare everyone away around me with my cough LOL. Got a chest xray, which showed my left lung 50% filled with fluid. UGH!

I am feeling a little better today, I have a puffer for when I cannot breathe and anti-biotics and today I am coughing up tons of disgustingness... fun!

The good news though, I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 181! I am not going to count it until I go into Herbal Magic though... The scale is old and I don't know if I should trust it LOL.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Sauna Culture...

So my bestie and I have been in the sauna a LOT. We often talk about what we call "Sauna Culture". What this means is that no matter who you are... in the sauna it doesn't matter, you can get in on the conversation.

We made a game of it, we would go into a sauna and start talking about woman things; babies, wedding planning, cooking... anything we could think of that we thought men would have no interest in gabbing about. Sure enough, everyone in the sauna would chime in at one point or another about the topics we started.

I love dominating the conversation and seeing what people will actually talk about in there. It is pretty funny.

I have this nasty phlegmy cough that is stopping me in my tracks. So I have decided to hold off on Insanity until I have my breath back again. I was supposed to do my 2nd fit test today, but I can not make it through the cardio right now. This makes me really sad. I hope I don't lose my stamina. I have been doing push ups and sit ups every night though. V-push ups are my mortal enemy and I hate them, but I have been doing 30 a night. They are supposed to help your shoulder muscles apparently. We will see.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Days 10 -13

I haven't posted after my workouts the last couple of days because... well... they are the same workouts I started with. I thought they would get easier, but instead they are getting harder. Not because my stamina isn't there, but instead it is because my heels and feet are killing me. I have pure cardio and cardio abs today (which I will do later) and then a rest day.

Thursday is to be my 2nd fit test, but I may take just one more rest day so that I let my ankles rest. I definitely can't wait to do the fit test to see if my numbers improve. Looking on the forums on MFP there are a lot of people who have done or are doing Insanity and their beginning numbers were very similar to me.

My weight is back to what it was when I started Insanity, so hopefully I will get my 40 lbs magnet shortly. Very frustrating dealing with the yo-yoing. I was .2 away from getting my magnet and then I got my TOM and shot up... been fighting to get back for 2 weeks now. Then TOM will come again and I will have to fight again. AHHHH! I am losing inches though, so that makes it ok... right?

Friday, March 9, 2012

Day 9

It was pure cardio today and I had so much trouble with it. When I was going down the stairs yesterday I accidentally skipped two stairs and landed hard on my foot. So today doing all the jumping nearly killed me. I didn't give it my all and I am feeling guilty. We went to the pool as well and I swam for a long time.

I am going to attempt this one tomorrow in the morning and then do day 10 so I can stay on schedule. The mid week workout is a recovery workout, and I decided I am going to take that as a rest day from now on, so I can give my poor body a rest.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Day 8

Cardio Power & Resistance: Completed for a second time. PHEW! I thought it would be slightly easier this time, and I had a rough time. I think maybe just one rest day doing this might not be enough. Although the middle of the week workout is just stretching and slow cardio, my muscles did not have enough time to stop hurting... All this jumping is killing my shins and ankles and knees, but I am powering through it. I know how to cushion my jumping so that my knee doesn't blow out like it did all those years ago playing tennis.

I am back down to where I was weight wise, so that is encouraging. I am so tired of getting mixed information from the ladies at HM. Some tell me no exercise other than walking (because I am not allowed the food to fuel my body), and others tell me I am doing the program how they would do the program, toning as I am losing the weight. Because I didn't want to get to the end and hate my body even more because I am one giant skin flap (I know I have previously said this) I give myself a bit extra food after my workouts and I am not starving myself. I look in the mirror and I am starting to feel good about my body... More than I have ever felt, because I have always hated my body and how I was shaped.

Trying on wedding dresses and seeing the hour glass figure that I have and always hated has made me change my opinion on my body. People tell me I am wasting away (in a good way) and that I am looking "sexy", "hot", "beautiful". These are never words that I attached to myself. I have more confidence and I want to keep it up and be a positive role model for those around me.

I have never had enough drive to see through anything to the end before, I always get bored and want to try something new. I feel great that I have gone this far, and I love seeing that big number on my weight loss ticker. It feels AMAZING!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Week one in the bag!

I just completed Insanity week one (as tomorrow is a rest day OMG I NEED IT!). I know I have been talking to all of my friends about it so much and they are probably getting sick of it, but it is seriously the most intense workout I have ever done, and I have done a lot. I want everyone to try at least one day and see if they like it as much as I do.

I am already feeling flatter in the stomach and more defined in my legs and arms, and it has only been a week. It is so very hard on my knees and I NEED to find my knee brace asap.

We will see if next week is easier than this week, because I love it! (Although I don't love the sweat dripping in my eyes)

Monday, March 5, 2012

Day 5

Pure Cardio:

I heard it was a beast and the most difficult of the beginning and holy crap were they right. It was hard! It doesn't help that I still have this cough from hell that wont go away, so it makes it difficult to catch my breath. But I made it through it, and I was so freaking thankful for the rest periods. The best part is my Scott has been bugging me and saying hey, it isn't so hard... so I made him do it with me today. YEP! It isn't that hard is it? He barely made it through! I love the sweat!

Tomorrow is a repeat of day 2, Plyometric cardio circuit. Let's see if I can get through it more easily!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Day 4

Cardio Recovery... My favorite so far, cardio exercises, but slower and with lots more stretching. I feel like my muscles are really relaxed after this, and I am glad to have a semi- "rest day". Tomorrow is Pure Cardio, and I heard it is the most intense of the workouts... so I may die tomorrow. Not really actually I am really enjoying this whole thing. It is making me feel... well proud that I had the courage to try it, because the commercials I saw for it made it look so scary.

After 3 days I am starting to feel a change in my body. I know that it has a lot to do with the diet itself, but I feel less... erm... flabby. Which is what I was trying to accomplish. I am trying to talk my bestie into starting Insanity with me, because it would be nice to have someone do it with me, who actually knows what the workout entails.

So Pure Cardio tomorrow, and I will handle it just fine... I hope. We'll see. Wish me luck! LOL

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Insanity Day 3

Cardio Power and Resistance:

I don't know if it is hard because I am sore, or it is just hard period. The exercises seemed easier, but I was struggling through it. My legs , abs, and arms are just burning. It feels great and I love it!!!

I also recently went thrift store shopping for pants since I was in such dire need, and I was looking through my drawer today and realized that I have nothing but jeans in there now.... if you know me, when I was fat, I wore nothing but yoga, sweat and dress pants. Jeans never fit properly, never looked good, and always chafed my thighs. Now I get so many complements on my butt (AND SMACKS!!!) I am loving wearing jeans again.

My weight is up slightly but I know it is due to water retention and my muscles being inflamed.

Tomorrow is Cardio Recovery... almost to my rest day!

Friday, March 2, 2012

Insanity day two

Plyometric Circuit Training:

DIFFICULT!!! not a lot of rests, and very intense, but I did it, and I was sweating like crazy. I was unsure I could get through it when I woke up this morning, as my muscles hurt like they never have before. Guess I should start taking my glutabolics again. They help with muscle repair after intense exercise. But they are giant horse pills and I hate taking them.

Tomorrow:
Cardio Power and Resistance woooeee!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

INSANITY!!!

I just completed day one and all I can say is HOLY CRAP!! Most intense workout I have tried to date and I am going to keep track of my progress here when I do my fit test every two weeks. And I will post my before picture and after picture at the end.

Pre-Insanity Measurements:
Bust: 40in
Ribs: 37
Waist: 37.5
Stomach:40.5
Butt: 44
Thigh: 25
Calf: 16.25
Arm: 13
Neck: 14

Day 1 Fit Test: 1 minute per
Switch Kicks: 100
Power Jacks: 36
Power Knees: 63
Power Jumps: 35
Globe Jumps: 8 (these are very hard and 4 jumps in a circle count as one)
Suicide Jumps: 6 (very much like burpees which I HATE)
Push Up Jacks: 10
Low Plank Obliques: 40

The next fit test will be March 15, I hope I can better ALL of these numbers.
Tomorrow will be the Plyometric Cardio Circuit YAY LOL!

I never could have done any of these exercises before I started this journey.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

My progress so far...

I have been struggling lately with the clothing situation! Because I am losing inches so fast, I can't (or my wallet can't) keep up. SO Value Village had their 50% off clothes sale and I decided to check it out since I was in dire need of pants. I don't want to waste money on new stuff when I will outgrow it in a month, so I got second hand clothes for the time being.

The greatest feeling in the world is trying on clothes, and going for the sizes that were the ones you "THOUGHT" you fit in... and they are toooooooo big! I have gone from size 2 and 3xl tops to size medium and size 18w pants to a size 10/11. I still have so far to go, but I am so proud of the change that I have made happen.

I have a lot of people ask me how I did it and if I can help them, but I think that everyone has to reach that point on their own. I have "dieted" on my own previously, and I was never fully committed to the lifestyle change that has to happen to KEEP the weight off. I hit that point where I stepped on the scale and I was physically disgusted with the number that I saw. When is enough enough? I will never go back!

As hard as it is to keep with the diet, and say no to the cake, ice cream, cookies, and  *DROOL* chocolate... It is worth it to look in the mirror and feel good.

Here is my progress picture for 40 lbs lost:

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Being Sick

I have been sick for a couple weeks now, and it is getting so old really fast! I have been awake for the past four nights coughing and I am exhausted. Kinda hard to lose weight when you are way too tired to even walk.

I have been on a steady decline and I am so close to my 40 lbs lost mark and my next magnet. I cannot wait. 41.8 is my halfway mark with Herbal Magic, although I am considering possibly continuing further after I am done with them. If I get down to 123.6 that will be 100lbs lost. The thought of that number, makes me happy.  It is a nice round number and would be much more impressive to say I lost 100 pounds.

We will see how hard it is for me to drop the pounds.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

I did it!!

I reached my pre-pregnancy weight. 185 baby!! I literally jumped off the scale and danced all the way to the bedroom to wake up Scott and tell him. I haven't been this weight since 2007, and I am so freaking excited. The ironic thing is that when I weighed this previously, I thought I was fat and would have given anything to be skinnier. Now I would have given anything to be 185 LOL! But onward we go. My next small goal is to weigh less than Scott's heaviest weight (since he fluctuates so much during the day) which is 172. So I am shooting for 170. I am not gonna set a date though, I find when I do that I just get frustrated.

Going to the bridal fair today with my MOH and I hope to get some ideas for planning the wedding. I am excited!

My stats:

Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185 reached Feb 19th
New Small goal: 170
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 185
Weight lost: 38.8 lbs
Inches lost: 42 3/4

Friday, February 17, 2012

On my way...

So close so close so close!!!! 186.2 this morning! I am hoping to see my small goal and pre pregnancy weight of 185 tomorrow, or by Monday at the latest. Doable, I have lost 1.2 in one day many times before. I am drinking loads and loads of water today, and I will eat a banana later as it is great for getting your sodium in line.

I have been so freaking sick for a few days now, and I am so OVER IT!!! Not getting a lot of sleep at night, because I wake up 50 million times a night in a coughing fit. :(

4.8 down for the week, and I am already starting my next week with a good drop. It is wonderful to see the numbers dropping again finally. I really hate being on a plateau. It is so hard to break them, when you cannot change the diet too much. I have a lot of variety, but having trouble loving everything that I should be eating.

Anyways my updated stats are:

Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 186.2
Weight lost: 37.6 lbs
Inches lost: 42 3/4

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Jinx

I don't want to jinx myself, but Wednesdays are my weekly weigh in record days. This week saw me drop 4.8 lbs! my second biggest drop to date... I think. My first week was also 4.8 lbs. Pretty darn proud of myself.

Every time I see a good drop, I get excited and then I go in 2 days later and I am up... I guess I am a bit cynical about it. I don't want to jinx myself. Could this be an end to the plateau?

My muscles were definitely retaining water to repair themselves after the 30 lb stair challenge. I was expecting a drop like this. So I have about 45 more to go before I reach my goal. I am still VERY behind, but it is coming off. Although I was supposed to be at 173 today. I just figured out that if I can shoot for 3 lbs a week, I will still meet my goal date. That is a scary goal, and I don't think it will work out in the end... if it does it does, and if it doesn't I will get there one day.

17 weeks left until my goal date. It is going so fast!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Shocker!

First of all I want to say that I am feeling frustration. I hit 193.6 (30lbs lost) on Christmas eve. The lowest I have gotten since then is 186.2, that was before my TOM in January. The day before my cycle started I shot up to 191, and then during that time I went up to as high as 192.8... ugh. I slowed down my exercise a lot since Christmas because I just don't have the time to do it. I still was doing the 30 day shred and various other little exercises, but as for getting to the gym (with my bad foot as an excuse) I barely ever get there anymore. But I prefer swimming anyways.

I have been losing and gaining the same 4 or 5 lbs since then, I get down to 187 and then shoot back up again. So very frustrating. They dropped my food to the smaller portions again and I was very hungry at first, but now I am good and unfortunately barely have an appetite (Which I contribute to the worst cold I have had in my life, HOLY EFF!).

Yesterday I went in, and was down to 189.0... whoopee! But I was not so excited because I have seen the number before 50 times. My graph on MFP looks like sharks teeth :( So L @ HM says we have to get down to the root of the problem and find out why I am not losing. The decision she made was to take away my free exchange (essentially 0 sugar other than my two fruit servings worth). This is going to be hard for me, because I always get snackish in the evenings (especially when Scott is working evenings and I am alone after kidlet goes to sleep). Moreso though, I have a lot of trouble getting to my 1200 calorie minimum with the free exchange. So I am now NOT allowed to exercise other than a 30 minute walk a day.

I am putting a lot of money into this, so I will do it. Let's see if it works. I feel horrible though. She said the program is designed so that you don't have to exercise to lose weight, and by exercising as much as I do, I require more nourishment (which I was giving myself).

So I weighed in today expecting to see the 191 after the 189 I saw yesterday (which happens every time) and I saw 186.8. WHAT?? I am shocked. Does this mean I am on the losing track again? Man I hope so. I am so far behind and I just want to catch up.

Happy Valentines Day!

My stats:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 186.8
Weight lost: 37 lbs
Inches lost: 39

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Sore Muscles

I have been not working out so hard lately, and I have been stuck for 2 months in the 190's. So annoying!! So the last two days I decided to do my stairs, but add a little something extra. So I did the 1000 stairs with a backpack full of my weights. 30 lbs worth! Holy crap... my legs, arms, shoulders, back... everything is soooo sore! I feel great though. I put on two sweat shirts and thick sweat pants and we had the fire going so it was really toasty in the house. I was sweating like I have never sweat before. I hope this leads to a drop on the scale, because I am getting so frustrated. Although I am still losing inches, I want to hit my small goal of 185 so bad.

I was supposed to be 175 on Wednesday, and weighed in today at 191.8. EFF! It is ok, I am doing everything I should and my day will come.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Smaller sizes

I have been struggling lately with clothes. When I started this journey, I was a gastly size 18W pant and a 2XL in shirts. I was always ashamed to let anyone know that, and now I am amazed how far I have come.

I went to Value Village on their 50% off sale a month or two ago, and I picked up a bunch of jeans that no longer fit me and I never thought I would be able to buy a size 14, let alone the 12's I am in now that are starting to fall off me. I have 2 pairs of jeans that fit, but are loose and about 4 shirts that fit but are loose.

Thank heavens Scotts aunt stopped by and brought me some of her hand me downs and I now have some clothes to wear. I am also over the moon that mediums are loose and I FIT A SMALL!!!! OMG! The last time I was in a small I was... 13-15 years old. I cannot believe it.

I took a picture today:
This ribbon signifies how many inches I have lost so far. 39 in total! I think it is amazing to see it in something tangible instead of just a number. It is the same as my son is tall. I have lost a Caiden, height and weight, it is the same. WOW! That just hit me.

XOXO

Monday, January 30, 2012

The Biggest Loser

I really love this show, and I haven't been a faithful watcher in every season, but I am committing myself to watching this season. I sit here on the couch watching the episodes, and I just want to get up and do what they are doing, I really want to go to the gym more, and it seems like now that I am only a few minutes away from it until April, I am having a lot of trouble being able to get there. My foot is an issue too, I cannot push myself (as much as I want to) so I am stuck doing low impact exercises. Which isn't that bad, because low impact includes swimming, and I really love swimming. I wish I had a pool... an indoor one at that!

I know they work out for an insane amount pretty much for hours and hours a day, every day... I know I cannot do that (I somewhat have a life). Those numbers they get every week! I wish, but I am doing everything I can. I just want to catch up, my goal still is to be able to reach 140 early... even if it is only 1 week. I would be happy with that.

Much love to all my friends and family who stick by me no matter what. <3 you people are amazing! and you know who you are.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Updating stats

Nothing to say really, but just posting my new stats:




Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 189.2
Weight lost: 34.6 lbs
Inches lost: 39

Monday, January 23, 2012

Progress thusfar

I am kind of stuck again and have lost my mojo due to some stressful things in my life right now, so I am just going to post my pics and hope that kick starts me again.

Day One

Day 145
Forgive the really tired face LOL

I need to see the difference and stop seeing how much I still have left to go. I am a full month behind where I should be and it is stressing me out a lot. I just want to get to my goal, so I can order my wedding dress!

Also, having all my clothes falling off me all the time is annoying! I have given everything away and have like 3 pairs of pants and 4 shirts that fit me :( The only downside of losing weight HAHA! Oh well! It could be worse, they could not fit because I am gaining weight right?

Friday, January 20, 2012

My poor foot :(

I am having so much trouble with my left foot lately, it is making workouts so painful. I used to have a lot of pain in both heels, but since I have lost this first bit of weight, there is no pain at all in my right foot. I thought my left one was getting better, but it is just getting worse.

Today my workout was the 30 day shred and I put my iPad on my inlaws stone age treadmill and watched 8 mile while walking. Swimming would probably be better for me right now, but Caiden is being VERY needy right now and I haven't had the time to go at all.

I keep yo-yoing and it is getting me a little frustrated, it is like my body doesn't want to be 185, so it keeps going up to 190 and then back down.

I am also eager to start riding my bike. As soon as the snow is gone (which should be tomorrow, the way it is raining now) I will take a ride to Herbal Magic and back. 16 kms will be an awesome workout. I used to do that and more when I was in high school. I used to ride from Chemainus to Crofton to visit friends which is about 11km one way. I hope riding a bike is like... well, riding a bike HAHA! I haven't rode one since I was about 18 years old.

Monday, January 16, 2012

*insert any title you wish*

Been a little bit since I last wrote, I have not had an easy week. I got down to 187 (yippee!) and then bumped all the way up to 191 WTF!, but that is ok. She asked if there was anything I had been doing that might have made me fluctuate that much, and I listed off a shwackload.... TOM, I drank some pop (I was stressed out and it is like a drug for me, So hard to quit!), Doing circuit training with weights.

I have been doing the 30 day shred with 5 lb weights, and my muscles are getting muscles LOL. I wish the waddle on the bottom of my arm would go away though. I know that will come later. I was told to quit the shred, because it is building too much muscle and I should only be concerned with the weightloss and not the toning right now. But, I am so scared I will be like Adam Sandler in the movie Click:


This scares me, because I have a very poor self image already. I don't want to hate my body even more than when I was fat (Because I really don't want to have surgery to have extra skin removed).

On Friday I walked to Herbal Magic from Scotts parents house. An 8km trek in 2 degree weather, it took me 1:34. I got there, and somehow I had pulled the muscle at the top of my thigh, PAINFUL! So I called Scott to come get me, no sense pushing it and hurting myself permanently. I was thinking of doing it again today and trying to walk back as well before the snow comes, but it is just so cold and icey out there... yesterday I could not warm up at all. I really hate the winter.

I scored two bikes off of freecycle the other day; if you have never heard of it, people get rid of their "junk" on it, and other people get it. all free! I have gotten clothes, yarn, household items. My brother got a leather couch off there! If you have one in your area, sign up for it!

Anyways, we got the bikes tuned up and are picking them up today. I am excited to be able to ride a bike again, something I haven't done since high school... I hope it is "just like riding a bike" LOL. Really nice to be able to live here on the Island, and be able to ride a bike in the winter as well.

So my brother and my bestie's engagement party was on Saturday, and it was in a pub. I was so worried about my diet because... well... pub food *NUFF SAID*. But I got there, I said I am taking a day off (something I have not done since I started) and I ordered a drink. It was called "I'll have what she's having" and it was a truly yummy concoction. After a few of those, some nachos and some beer battered fish and 5 fries, I was drunk and feeling bloated and horrible with myself. It is ok though, like I said, I don't really take cheat days... ever!

I stepped on the scale yesterday, and I was 189 again, so I didn't gain, so YAY! This morning I am the same, so I don't think my cheat day screwed me up too much.

I am so eager to get to 185, which is within my grasp, but still seems so far away. I am still losing inches however, and that shows more progress to me than the number on the scale.... Wait... did I just say that?

It is nice to be a little mellow for once about my weight loss goal... although, I am a full month behind where I should be and that makes me a little sad. I wanted to do it early :( Oh well! There is still a chance.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

30 day shred

I have been doing the 30 day shred, and today will be my 7th day on level one. I am so bored with level 1 and I just want to move on. I have also been doing the shred during the worst TOM I have ever had. Worst cramps in my life, and doing the crunches is NOT helping!!

I feel good though, I am 2 lbs away from my small goal of 185 and could not be more excited about that. Although my heel has been bothering me a lot and I am having problems being able to go to the gym and working out like I was. Swimming only for this girl for the time being (or low impact stuff in the gym).

This month has just kicked me on my ass, and I am not as driven to hit the big loss numbers, I don't know why. I mean I care if I lose weight... I just don't care (that doesn't make any sense). I cannot even explain myself. Everyone asked me what my resolutions were for 2012, and I didn't really make any... other than to keep the mother effing kitchen clean (which is pretty impossible in my house because a certain someone apparently doesn't know where the dishcloths are... I won't name names LOL). My goals have always been the same though, to lose 84 lbs total by June... Though now I am considering losing more. I will see how I feel when I get there. It will be done with diet and exercise though and I will not be doing it with HM. I want to be able to say I did some on my own, so if I want to try and lose 10-20 more lbs when I get down to 140... I will do it. I have to order my wedding dress by July though, so I cant go too crazy lol.

I keep hearing, "You are so tiny, you don't have xx more lbs to lose!" from so many people, and although it makes me feel awesome to hear that (as I never have before), I am getting frustrated... not because it pisses me off, but if only these people could see what I look like without the clothes on. The things I wear, hide everything that jiggles so well. It really doesn't look like I need to lose 50ish more lbs.

MY THIGHS!!! ahhhh my thighs lost an inch when I started, and HAVE NOT MOVED SINCE!!!! I have always had muscular and big thighs, and that was always the first place my fat went. I just want them to shrink... a little! they are by far my least favorite part on my body, and I am so eager to see those inches go away.

It has been an emotional week for me. I brought flowers to my husbands grave... a place I have not been for so long. I think I was pregnant with Caiden the last time I was there. I felt like he was not in that place, and he was always with me so I never went there... and when I finally did go there, all I felt was guilt. Like I left him there all alone. I miss him so much, his infectious laughter and all the stupid hilarious things he used to do. It has reminded me of all the people that have turned their back on me, and also reminded me of who is the most important to me. I am so thankful for the people in my life, who stand by me no matter what. I love you all.

Anyways, I have to take new pictures soon... although I don't think my body has changed too much. My arms though... wooeee! they are getting amazing LOL! I will take new pictures in the next few days.