Friday, October 28, 2011

Almost there

Every morning when I wake up, I roll over on my back and rub my hand from just under my ribs to just under my belly button. The change in this area of my body has been tremendous. You know when you are laying down and your belly is so flat and awesome because gravity pulls all the fat away and it goes on the sides? Well now when I lay down, my belly is flat and awesome and very little of my fat is down on my sides. It is an amazing feeling, and I cannot believe I didn't do this sooner.

I spent an hour or so at the gym today and just gave 'er. I still am so amazed at my ability to do the exercise without losing my breath, but still sweating my fat ass off while I am doing it. No swim today, as we had to carve our Halloween pumpkins. But that is ok. I made it up with a second workout when I got home. 70 minutes of pure sweaty awesomeness!

HM was a big surprise for me today, because again I didn't feel like I was lighter, and I thought the scale would be the same as it was on Monday. Well I am happy to say that it wasn't! I was also measured today and I am amazed at those numbers too!

So my stats are:



Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 204.6
Weight lost: 19.2 lbs
Inches lost: 24 1/4!!!!!

I have lost 2 feet of fat off my body EWWWW lol!

I will get my 20 pound lost magnet this week, and I am so excited to see how that will motivate me.

My new goal: 185 by Christmas. I am projected to be at 189 ish by then (according to HM) so I think it is doable. I WILL NOT beat myself up if I don't make it... but the drive is there. 185 is where I was before I got pregnant with Caiden. I CAN DO IT!!

Props to my bestie too... She is down 33lbs! I am so proud of her!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

One of those days...

Where everything is driving me nuts!! AHHHH I just want to scream. Caiden will not listen to me, so it made for my walk today to be absolutely useless... I long for the days when he used to sit in the stroller, and just lay there content to look around at the world. :(

HM day, and I was down only .6... I am still technically behind where I am projected to be, but that is ok, I will make it up. I want to go nuts in the gym and swim the next couple of days, but I think I am coming down with something :( Stupid head cold.

It is beginning to look like 199 by Halloween is not a possibility for me, but I am still going to try. A few days later isn't going to matter I guess... But I am still a tad disappointed. But I am not going to beat myself up about it.... (wait, did I just say that?) so unlike me, I know... but I don't want to get into the funk I just got out of recently. It was too difficult to get my mojo back.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Progress...

Well at the request of Katy and Ayla, I will post my progress pictures, but from the first 10 lbs, I don't really see a difference.

So this was the first day:
 9 lbs down

12 lbs gone


16.8 lbs gone.

Nothing really new to report. I had a few insane workout days this weekend. Ie: Saturday, where I worked out in the gym doing cardio for 1 hour and then made my way to the pool where I completed 60 laps and 30 minutes of tredding water. Pretty proud of that one. I think I have been pushing myself a tad too hard though, my muscles are so screaming for a break right now... I think I will do a few rest days now (mild workouts only). 

Went for a gym and swim today with my bestie and my brother, and spent an hour doing cardio and not too long swimming. Kinda ran out of time. Next time I go, I will try for 40 minutes tredding water. It seems so easy to me now, although it is a weird feeling. I have always struggled with my endurance. It is amazing how quickly it increases when you work your ass off at it.

I came home and did the biggest loser work out, and I am considering doing the 1000 calorie workout when I finish this... crazy? Probably. But I am so determined to get to 199 by Halloween. I dunno if I can stop.

Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 206.2
Weight lost: 17.8 lbs
Inches lost: 18.25


Friday, October 21, 2011

A funny thing happened to me today...

I woke up this morning just down on myself, upset with my body and the way it has betrayed me. I was bawling right up until packing up Caiden to go have a sleep over at Bama's (my moms). Scott told me I am beautiful no matter what happens with my body, and he and Caiden love me to the stars and back, and that is all that matters.

Yes it matters that they love me... but it also matters that I love myself. Which I didn't this morning. So I got Caiden ready to go, and got in the car and headed to my moms. I dropped off Caiden and then headed to the gym. This is when the funny thing happened, and I believe I got my mojo back. All the inspiration in the world came from a song...

Called "Believe"
One minute's fading
One minute's past
But I've got this moment
To make it all last
I'm standing before you
Taking my chance on
Everything I never thought that I could be
Cause you can do almost anything

If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams
The higher you climb
The better it gets
Cause you will see things
You'll never forget
If you just believe



It's like I'm falling through my own fears
They used to haunt me, but now they're not here
There's no looking back, my future is clear
No giving up
And I'm holding on when it gets rough
Cause you can get through most anything

If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams
The higher you climb
The better it gets
Cause you will see things
You'll never forget
If you just believe

No one says it's easy
And no one says you have to be perfect
But as long as you try
You're always gonna find
It was worth it




If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams
The higher you climb
The better it gets
Cause you will see things
You'll never forget
If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams
If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams



(This part especially)




I just kept playing it as loud as I could in the car over and over, and I could feel myself getting pumped up again. So bring it on, I am ready for it, and over the hurdle of the last week.


I finally got to HM and I saw Scott... why is Scott here? He left for work an hour ago. He had a surprise for me. A dozen red roses for me... just because he thought I needed a little pick me up. It worked, and I can't believe how lucky I am to have him in my life.


I was stuck at 208.6 for a week... and today I weighed in... and was DOWN! BOOYAH!


So here are my stats now:



Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 207.2
Weight lost: 16.8 lbs
Inches lost: 18.25

I just got back from the aquatic center, where I did a gym and swim. I did 50 laps of the pool with 10 laps of just using my arms, and 10 of just using my legs, and I had to tred water while they were changing the pools for 28 minutes... without even losing my breath. I could never have done that 2 months ago. I love the change that is going on in my body.

So I may lose my mojo again.... but for now it is here and I will do my best to keep it happy so it doesn't leave me again. I can do it.

Until next time

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Losing the mindset

At what point do you lose the mindset that hmmm, maybe I should keep these clothes, because I might be fat again later.

I have all these clothes that don't fit me anymore, and I am hesitant to part with them. Am I setting myself up for failure? Doing my usual end of the summer/beginning of fall business of packing away my shorts and various other summer clothes, got me thinking.... should I pack them away for next year in the hopes that I will not need them, or should I get rid of them entirely, because I know I WILL NOT NEED THEM?

I seem to have misplaced my confidence in myself that I will succeed. I don't know where it went, and I don't know how to find it again. I haven't been able to do my big workouts at home, because I haven't had the time. I have so much on my plate with Christmas coming up fast, that I just can't get everything done, look after Caiden, keep up the house work, and work out. How the eff do people who go to the gym 5 days a week do it? It is almost an all day thing for me.

Bestie and I are going to do a gym and swim on Wednesday, but not before we go to the bridal store and try on Wedding dresses. When I called to make the appointment, the lady asked me how much weight I am trying to lose, and what size I am now. When I told her, she gushed at "how tiny you are!". Me tiny? I have never been described that before, but hey, I'll take it!

What do I do about my clothes????? I am so torn. I have already put aside 14 pairs of pants for the thrift store, but there is always that doubt in the back of my mind... just because I have failed so many times before. I am putting so much money into this HM thing, that if I fail again... ugh, I will just be angry.

Until tomorrow... when we have found out I have gained. I am sure I have. Ciao!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Nothing to say

Not a lot to say today, I didn't really move up or down weight wise when I went into HM yesterday. Caiden and I walked around the mall for a few hours, got up to 11000 steps just doing that. I am nearing my deadline for the pay date, and I am losing my will to drive so hard it hurts. So tiring, and I don't know what to do to get more sleep.

My focus now is to lose the weight, so I can be beautiful in a wedding dress. So this drive on top of the drive I already had to succeed. It is exhausting.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Since yesterday...

I lost 1.2 lbs... yep I did that. That is all. HAHA

Just joking. That is a pretty awesome thing to lose one lb. I am so excited about the number getting smaller and smaller. I am so excited to be thin, and to look for wedding dresses that aren't size 24 (yes they are sized bigger, I know this). I don't know what size I will be at the end, but I am shooting for at least a size 6. Wow wouldn't that be a nice number. I don't remember ever being that number, but I must have hit it as some point in my childhood.

So I should have just updated my stats this evening instead of this morning. Here they are:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 208.2
Weight lost: 15.6 lbs
Inches lost: 18.25

I beat Thanksgiving!

Yes I did!!! I lost .8 of a pound. For me this was the scariest holiday. But I really felt good when I left Scotts parents house. I didn't touch any desserts, and believe me there were lots. It was difficult! I got my measurements taken yesterday, and I am down 18 1/4 inches. Hard to believe a foot and a half of fat has been burned off of me. I like putting it in those terms, it makes it more impressive.

I got so many compliments about how awesome I look at dinner, and it made me feel so awesome. I cant wait to see them at the end of this and hear the comments then. They couldn't believe that I had 84 lbs to lose. I carry my weight well.

With my big weight loss change, comes another change in my life. Thanksgiving morning, Scott got down on one knee (in the kitchen of all places) and proposed to me.

I am so over the moon excited, and Scotts parents were just about in tears when we told them. And as coincidence would have it, my bestie also got proposed to yesterday and will now not only be my best friend, but my sister. Congrats Caity!! Love you!


So these are my new stats!!

Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 209.4
Weight lost: 14.6 lbs
Inches lost: 18.25


Monday, October 10, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends. I hope everyone has so much to be thankful for on this day. I am thankful for my wonderful friends and family. For the health and happiness for all around me. I am thankful for the willpower that I am taking to my inlaws tonight. I DO NOT NEED PUMPKIN PIE!!!!

At the suggestion of my bestie, I weighed myself this morning, to see where I was, since my last HM visit was on friday. DOWN!! Woot Woot!

Under 210, is an amazing feeling. Planning for food this day has been hard. I am not much liking the not being in control of what is being made. But I am planning to stay within my limits, and prepared to be a little (JUST A LITTLE!!) up tomorrow. This is without having desert (I am planning on bringing something that is acceptable on my free exchange list to endulge while they are pigging out on crap) and either not having mashed potatoes (my fave) or not having stuffing. I will decide when it comes down to it, although I am not a fan of stuffing, so maybe some potatoes.

I leave myself with 1 protein, 1 fat, 4 veggies, 1 starch and 2 fruits tonight... and of course my free exchange. I think I will be ok. This will be a good test of my will power.

Stats:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 209.6
Weight lost: 14.2 lbs
Inches lost: 12.25

Saturday, October 8, 2011

!!

Herbal Magic day yesterday, I went there thinking I was up, and as usual when I have that feeling I was down. OMG. I was down 2.6 lbs. I caught up to where I was before I went to Edmonton, and I surpassed it by .4.

I just cant stop staring at myself, and seeing the transformation before me. I have to stop doing it! People are going to start thinking I am a weirdo or something HAHA.

My bestie and I went for a gym and swim yesterday, and it felt so awesome. I think I want to do it more. Even if I have to do it b myself. I love that feeling the day after, when you are hurting so much, but it is good because you can feel the work you have put into it. We took bra and unders pictures last night as she is also trying to lose weight. She has already lost 25 lbs!! I am so proud of her!

New contest!!: If you make three visits for the next 5 weeks, you get entered to win a trip to Turks& Caicos for 7 nights, hotel and flight and $500 spending money. That would be a nice contest to win. I never win anything though. so not holding my breath. (haha totally just typed breast).

So my stats so far:


Starting weight: 223.8
Small goal: 185
Final goal: 140
Current weight: 210.2
Weight lost: 13.6 lbs
Inches lost: 12.25

My measurements will be taken next week.

Friday, October 7, 2011

My first two NSV!!!

For those who don't know what this it, it is a non-scale victory. and I have had my first two.

1. When my husband died, I wore my wedding rings until I lost 40 lbs and they would fall off (this happened at about 3 months after he died). So I put them away for safe keeping. Then time passed and I just never put them on. I tried them on a while ago, and couldn't even fit the three bands on my ring finger which they were sized for.

I was at my friend Sabrinas last week, and she asked me if I ever wore them, and I said no. Then she said why don't you wear them on the other hand. Which was never a possibility, because my ring finger on my right hand is effing huge... like 2 sizes bigger.

So today I put them on, and I can fit 2 of the 3 bands on my right hand. It feels great to be able to wear that symbol of the life I once had. I hope to be able to wear all three bands by what would have been our 8th anniversary (Oct 25th).

2. I did a little impromptu fashion show this morning when I decided to try on some pants that I had been hoarding for just over 4 years. Every pair fit, except for one which I knew it wouldn't. They are all loose!!! So I went through all of my pants, and got rid of 2/3 of them. What an awesome pick me up to be able to pull down pants that 1 month ago were tight without undoing the button. I also tried on a dress I wore to my friends wedding in 2006, and got a yowza from Scott and a holy shit from myself. I think I look better in it today, than I did in 2006. Then I tried on a dress I wore to a wedding in 2005, and omg I look amazing.

I cant imagine how small I will get, because I have no reference... I don't even remember being 140.

I kept one pair of pants, so I can go on those commercials and be like "These are my old pants, and these are my new pants... see you can fit 2 of me in the old pants!!" HAHA

Off to do a gym and swim today. I am going to exhaust myself!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

2 Weeks left

I went to HM yesterday and was pleased to be down 1.2 lbs from the day before. I was informed that on October 19 they will be paying me my 11 dollars per lb I have lost. So I have 2 weeks left to lose as much weight as I can. I am shooting for 9 lbs (not a realistic goal, but it is the one I am shooting for). That would put me at 20 lbs lost (since I gained 3.2 lbs on my trip).

So if anyone has any tips to lose weight quickly (The healthy way, I am not starving myself).... LET ME KNOW!!!

Todays plan is to do the Jari Love 1000 calorie workout, and the biggest loser workout. that should kick my ass, and get me some pounds lost. I think I will do either of those (or both) every day for the next two weeks. Tomorrow, I am planning on doing a swim and gym with my bestie as well.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Back... and devastated

Back from our trip to Edmonton. I did all the right things, I got a hotel room with a kitchen, we ate out only 2 times (while we were on the road) I followed the plan to the LETTER. I worked out in the exercise rooms and swam in the pools every day. I come home yesterday, and went right to HM because I had a bad feeling, and I wanted to get it over with... 


213.8


I cried. Well cried isn't the right word... I bawled. I am so hard on myself, and I want to succeed soo bad. I cannot handle when the number goes up. I feel so bad for the girl I saw yesterday, I have broken down twice with her. She reassured me that it was most likely water retention, as it was really hard to get my water in while on the road. 

I really wish I could stop being so hard on myself. So now I am slightly behind in my weight loss... and I have to play catch up. I never wanted to be in this position, and I certainly didn't think I would be here so soon in my journey. 

Scott just says, no matter if you lose weight or gain weight, you are still gorgeous to me. How can I be gorgeous to anyone, when I feel like a fat cow. I HATE THIS!!! 

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Ever have one of those days

...weeks. I am in Edmonton, with nothing to do... don't know the area, don't know what is fun to do... Trying very hard to stick to my diet (which is hard when there is so much junk around). I feel like I came here for nothing. :( I thought I would have had some shoots done, but 1 cancelled because she is sick :( and My friend Sabrina had a bad day with her little kitty (Totally understand about the kitty Sab. NOT MAD!!!).

I had the best workout of my life yesterday. Walked around West Edmonton Mall for 5 or 6 hours. WOOOO!! That was a big walk. Then came back to the hotel and made our dinner of veggies and chicken. Then went downstairs and worked out in the hotels gym (sparsely equipped, but it has a treadmill, elliptical, stairclimber, and stationary bike. Then swam for an hour in the pool. I would have swam longer, but I was all by myself in the pool room, and it started to get a little creepy.

Caiden is doing wonderfully. He got to see the sea lion show at West Ed yesterday, and was quite excited about it. He was awesome the whole trip here... He played, read, slept, and watched movies on the iPad.



So I don't know what we are doing today... We haven't decided, but I hope to be able to go to Sabrinas this evening.

I really hope that I don't weigh myself when I get home and have gained... I am so scared of that.