Finding success...

Finding success in the little things, this has always been a struggle for me. Seeing my goals and sticking with them is so hard. I have lost and gained the same 5 lbs for the last 4 months and cried about it. But seeing the success of inches still falling off me, has eluded me. Why can't I just forget the number on the scale?

I was told to write myself a nurture list. 10 things I could do FOR MYSELF!!! that would give me a release from the stress of the number not moving on the scale. So I wrote a list of the things I love to do to release stress... very first on the list is singing. Something that I am so good at, and I never really get to do, so I am going to get back into it, and sing my heart out. Because I deserve to give myself something too.

I have my home gym downstairs set up, and the other day I made some posters that have quotes on them that I have found inspiration to continue my journey. Things like "NOTHING tastes as good as skinny feels" , and "Strength is just a frame of mind, own it!" I look at them to pump myself up. It feels great.


Stats:

Starting weight: 223.8

Small goal: 185 reached Feb 19th
New Small goal: 170

Final goal: 140

Current weight: 181.2

Weight lost: 42.6 lbs

Inches lost: 49.5

So far beyond frustrated...

I am so far beyond frustrated that my weight loss has stalled, I don't even think there is a word for what I am right now. I hit 189.8 on December 31st, and here I am STILL in the 180's almost 4 months later. I have done everything I am supposed to do, and it is so hard not to break down and run to Timmies and buy a dozen donuts and the biggest iced capp I can get. I keep thinking what the hell is the point of doing everything I am doing.

I miss KD! I miss Pepsi!

I lose 5 lbs, and then I get my TOM and gain that back... it has happened for 4 months now. How do I not lose my focus when this keeps happening?

I am getting a nice little gym downstairs, I have a recumbent bike, and elliptical and now a treadmill. Scott wants to get a home gym to do strength training, but that will come later. I hung the ribbon from my last measurement down there as a reminder that I am still losing inches. Thanks to Pinterest I made one of these:

Now that I see the beads in the vases, it doesn't look as impressive. But there I go making light of the pounds that I have lost... It is no small feat and I should be proud of myself. So why can I not be proud of myself?

I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS!!!!

Scott and I have been exercising together, I found some workouts on another blog that I follow, so we have been mixing these with the elliptical and treadmill.

The Fight - Lights out

The Fight for the PS3... all I can say is OMG. I never thought a boxing game could make me hurt so good. I guess I am a little crazy, but the best feeling int he world is the pain you feel when your muscles are in repair. That is how I am feeling today. I cannot lift my arms and my back is so sore!

A nice break from my usual, I went to my besties house yesterday and played this game and burned 402 calories. I can feel my Triceps without flexing now, I fit into small shirts (EEEEEEEEE!!!!!).

Although my weight has stalled, and I am so incredibly behind where I should be, I am still losing inches. I am encouraged still. I am pretty sure however, I will be doing HM for the rest of my life... or my body is just never going to be less than 180.

I just want to order my damn wedding dress LOL!!!

The ladies at HM gave me a nice card of condolence for Lucky passing away. It was very nice, and made me cry.

RIP

I had a wonderful Easter, full of hunts, and brunch, family and friends. I was great, I didn't eat any chocolate. It was a wonderful day, until we put Caiden to bed and then tried to find our cat Lucky. Sadly we found him in the back yard. I didn't see, but Scott said he looked mangled. I am so sad. Last night I just wanted to gorge myself on everything I could get my hands on... especially Pepsi.

I haven't spoke of my addiction to Pepsi as of yet, I don't think. I believe it is like... a drug I guess. I crave it so bad, and when I get it... even a sip, I look like those heroin users on Intervention after they have shot the needle thing in their arm. It is that bad.

All I wanted last night, was that euphoria that I feel when I drink it. But alas, there was none in the house. Today, I have 0 appetite, and I have spent the day in a numb stupor. Yes, yes, he was just a cat, but he was a member of the family and I will miss him dearly... as will Caiden.

RIP Lucky Lager. Thanks for being so good with Caiden. We love you.